LADY TERMINATOR (1989)
posted 00/00/2009

Directed by:
H. Tjut Djalil

Starring:
Barbara Anne Constable ... Tania Wilson / Lady Terminator
Christopher J. Hart ... Max McNeil
Claudia Angelique Rademaker ... Erica
Joseph P. McGlynn

Country: Indonesia
Runtime: 82 min
Original title: Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan
AKA: Shooting Star
Nasty Hunter
       

No words....no words. Just like Jodie Foster at the end of Contact, (which I loved, by the way) there are no words to describe this amazing film. If you were to ask me what Lady Terminator is I'd have to say: What isn't Lady Terminator? Essentially a Thailand rip-off of Terminator, this film defies logic and definition. It is equal parts action movie, love story, sci-fi thriller, comedy, monster movie, effects extravaganza, musical, nudie flick, historical epic (sort off), and Rambo ripoff. What you are about to read actually happens. I know I say that a lot, but more than ever before, I'd like to lead with this fact firmly in place.

A young American student gets possessed by the spirit of a sea witch (I think), when she goes diving in the ocean and falls onto a bed (not kidding) which is not in the water and has a magical eel slide up her vagina. She walks out of the sea as a badass terminator and kills a couple of guys on the beach by having sex with them and having the eel bite off their junk. Then she goes on a killing spree, chasing the descendant of the man who put an end to the sea witch ages ago.

The descendant is a popular lounge singer, who gets a hand from an American cop who falls in love with her. As Lady Terminator tears up the city with her inexhaustible M-16 and her magical booby powers and laser eyes, the American cop calls in his gung-ho, mullet-sporting army friends to help him take down the evil sea witch. The lengthy final battle takes place in an airfield and is the centerpiece of a film with so many amazingly unforgettable scenes.

Look, here's the thing. In my opinion, there will never (ever, ever) be another movie on StrictlySplatter.com that tops the insanity from start to finish that this amazing movie manages to pull off with flying colors. Constantly hilarious and entertaining, this is a shinning example of bad movies (which works in its favor) making it a pure and undeniable work of art. How could you not want to see this film, much less own it (I do!!!) after reading the plot above? The acting is lame, the music is cheesy, the stunts are actually damn cool, the eel-up-the-slit origin is almost too great to believe and the best part of it is that everyone takes the events in the film dead serious!!!

It is so zany that it tops all zany movies. It is so action-packed that it rivals the real Terminator for action scenes. It is so retarded on almost every conceivable level that it becomes almost zen in and of itself. It exists because we (the exploitation and horror community) want it to exist. No words...no words left except GO FUCKING BUY THIS AWESOME MOVIE NOW!!!!!!

  - Jose Prendes

 

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