posted 00/00/2011

Directed by:
Wai-Tak Law

Carrie Ng
Miho Nomoto
Elvis Tsui
Yeung Ming Wan

Country: Hong Kong
Runtime: 99 min

When a movie calls itself Sex Medusa, you expect a certain kind of product. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this, right movie geeks? Especially if it's a Chinese movie. I mean, so many images come to mind. First, you expect tons of sex and nudity, right? Then, well Medusa has to be in it, right? So we expect a snake-headed gal traipsing around fucking a ton of people. Right? That's what the title is selling us, right? Well...if you know the kinds of movies we review, and somehow manage to find...then you know not to judge a movie by its title, especially a descriptive one like that.

The movie starts with some soldiers walking through the sewers and using flamethrowers to kill nests of snakes. Later in the film they use fake snakes, but not during the flamethrower scene. That's right friends, you get to see real snakes set on fire and cooked, and then stepped on by the soldiers. After this distasteful sequence, we see one snake escape. This regular-sized snake crawls out onto the street and BECOMES A WOMAN! This naked woman, who used to be a little snake, wanders around town and makes friends with a lonely widower. They have feelings for each other, but he can't make love to her despite her forceful horniness, because he is traumatized by the fact that HE RAN OVER HIS WIFE WHILE DRUNK ONE NIGHT! Just so you know, I will write in caps when the movie gets really retarded, so be prepared to see more of that, it is not a typo.

Meanwhile, the widower's cousin is a scientist that is experimenting with a drug TO HELPS ANIMALS SWITCH TRAITS! They experiment with rats and snakes and the idea is to eventually make people healthy or some crap. I seriously zoned out of the science mumbo jumbo, but it wasn't all my fault. This disc was straight from China so the English subtitles were incredibly wonky thanks to the fact that a Chinese guy typed them up! Anyway, the cousin's girlfriend and co-scientist, finds out that there is something WRONG WITH THE SNAKE GIRL'S MUCOUS (don't ask) and starts TO SUSPECT THAT SHE MIGHT BE A SNAKE. She acts too late, though, because her boyfriend scientist gets busy with snake girl and gets her immediately pregnant. She LAYS GIANT SNAKE EGGS IN HIS BATHROOM right after they do it, and she leaves them to gestate for a while.

While the scientist girl searches for the snake girl's genes or whatever, we find out that the sci-guy is actually in debt to the mob and he needs money bad. So he decides to kill his widower cousin because then he can get his inheritance and pay off the loan sharks. He does this, and snake girl gets angry. To further piss her off, the scientist girl stumbles upon the eggs in the bathroom and KILLS THEM BY THROWING WATER ON THEM AS THEY HATCH! Snake girl is super pissed now, and decides to TURN INTO A SUPER STUPID PUNK ROCK CHICK (WHICH CAN ONLY BE ASSUMED TO BE HER HALF-SNAKE HALF-WOMAN FORM) and kills the two meddling bastards with her stupid CG tongue.

This is a slow, uninteresting movie, and probably the most disappointing Asian film I have ever seen, which is saying quite a lot. For something that should play like balls-to-the-wall nudity and killing, it feels more like a slow, Chinese melodrama. We spent more time with snake girl and her emotionally crippled widower friend. I'm all for drama, but when you promise a certain kind of film (poster included) and you deliver The Hours instead of From Dusk Till Dawn then I get pissed, and then I want to warn people away from it. Like most of the movies on our site, you might never come across this film, but if you do then stay away unless you have insomnia...regardless, don't go looking for this, masochist or not, this is a true waste of the way, I want to announce that I am working on a script, it's called SEX's about a soccer mom who's kid is dying of cancer on Christmas.

- Jose Prendes


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