posted 00/00/2010

Directed by:
Takao Nakano

Sakurako Kaoru ... Mikage Ryoko
Natsumi Mitsu ... Mari Akabane
Masanori Miyamoto ... The Wizard
Tomohiro Okada ... Akira Yono

Country: Japan
Runtime: 60 min
Original title: Kiseichuu: kiraa pusshii
AKA: Sexual Parasite

Vagina Dentata means toothed vagina in Latin. Apparently this fictitious condition can be found among different cultures in their folklore and myths. I am not sure where this concept first appeared in film but I initially encountered it in the independent horror comedy Teeth, released in 2007. Killer Pussy came out in 2004 and features a variation on this kinky condition. Here it is a rare sexual parasite (called Namazu) which inhabits the Amazon, living in the water. Once it enters a female host it lives in the vagina and can only be expelled through an electric shock. I was looking forward to a blasting good time and plenty of female nudity. I got plenty of female nudity. The movie was poorly shot on video and had a running time of 60 minutes. That turned out to be a good thing.

An Amazon expedition unearths Namazu. The parasite enters a female explorer named Sayoko. Flash forward about a half dozen years. Five promiscuous Japanese youths are on a road trip to who-the-hell- cares when their van suddenly breaks down. They walk around the remote, wooded area until they stumble upon a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Upon exploring the place they find a walk in freezer, a large bathtub filled with warm water, and a living space with food and a stack of porn mags.

One of the girls, Mari, decides to take a bath - but of course she should. There is nothing wrong with that. Sayoko, who had been taking an extended vacation inside the walk in freezer, is awakened. She’s half naked and decides to join Mari in the bathtub. Now I’m talking about excellent boobs here. Just a side note, but every chick in this film has delectable titties. Sayoko sucks face with Mari and slips her the parasite. One of the dudes (Hiroshi) comes looking for Mari and follows a trail of pussy drippings to where she’s at. That’s right folks, Mari’s cunt is frothing all-over the place. You don’t see the goods face to face but one can imply plenty from white cum-like glop running down the thighs and the back of the ass. The man freaking slips on the stuff on his way to her. Mari seduces him with her naked body and soon Namazu shows up, chewing his dick off. She then straddles Hiroshi and bites his face off with her killer pussy. Although you do not see real genitalia we’re treated to some cheap ass CGI abnormality and puppet shit.

Then there’s a slimy, bloody, naked girl struggle and the parasite is transferred to another hot chick, Saki. Namazu has also spawned baby leech-like creatures. Mari dies, disappears, or dissolves or something - I can’t, won’t remember. In the end we are left with Saki, whose now carrying the parasite, the big breasted Ryoko, and her douche bag boyfriend Akira. One of the effects of Namazu seems to be turning the girl into an extremely horny psychopath. Hypnotized by excessive lust Saki comes onto Akira. Ryoko catches them as they are fucking and attacks Saki, gouging out one of her eyes, but not before Akira gets castrated and bleeds to death. She continues the onslaught by beating her with a pipe, biting off a nipple, and disemboweling her. With Saki’s body decimated the parasite emerges. It looks retarded. At that exact moment Ryoko happens to be standing by a generator and she electrocutes Namazu with a high voltage cable. After a fade to black there is a cliché ending where one of the leech babies survives and inhabits Ryoko. Oh fuck no! what are we to do now folks?

If you guys want to see a good Vagina Dentata flick, skip this garbage and go watch Teeth. Though neither film portrays twat teeth exactly as I imagine it, you’ll have more fun watching the latter. If on the other hand you want to see excellent breasts and can stomach regurgitated teen horror slop, be my guest. The way I see it is the plotting is so cliché that even the sex scenes start to stink. After you blow your load there just isn’t anything else left to do but press stop and snap the disc in anger. At Splatter, we’ll take care of sorting out the mess so you don’t have to.

- Jorge Antonio Lopez


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