BLOOD (2000)
posted 00/00/2008

Directed by:
Charly Cantor

Adrian Rawlins ... Carl Dyson
Lee Blakemore ... Lix
Phil Cornwell ... Doug
Paul Herzberg ... Don

Country: UK
Runtime: 84 min

Blood is a terrible movie. This isn’t a horror movie, literally speaking. If you observe the film as a whole you can best catalogue it as a dark drama with horror elements. Yes, I know films like these are difficult to group. That is not necessarily a bad thing but from what I had read I was expecting more true horror. The story is cool and simple, just right for a T.V. mystery/horror series, but not for a feature length film. They stretch and stretch without adding new factors or obstacles, characters or twists and in the end you get a thin plot with a mildly interesting aftertaste.

Carl Dyson is a happily married man with a smart ten year old son and a pretty, understanding wife. But wouldn’t you know it that this family will be torn to pieces when Carl decides to bring his work home. Our man Carl is a genetic engineer and his work is a young woman by the name of Lix. Lix was engineered "special" by Carl. Here comes the punch (not a bad one at that): Lix’s blood is like an eye-opening drug that when consumed get’s the recipient very high. To add to the drama, whatever amount of blood Lix happens to loose, she must consume nine times that amount. Sounds a lot like a vampire to me!

Later into the film the Dyson family tries to make Lix feel at home. By the way Carl had recently rescued her at the beginning of the film from a group of ex-scientists that had her tied up to get high off her blood and sell it too. Once at Carl’s place the mood lightens as we see a couple of montages and scenes where she attempts to fit in. There is stuff like Carl’s wife taking her clothes shopping and playing video games with the kid in his room.

Now eventually comes the disaster. Lix starts asking Carl questions about her past and about the possibility of leading a normal life. And about romance. Lix starts to like Carl a lot and since she is not only decent looking but has that whole innocent girl with groovy blood thing going, Carl starts to break. He eventually sucks blood off her finger, she tells him she wants him, the wife walks into an awkward scene and the kid drinks one of the tubes with the nymph’s blood. Well, one thing leads to another until the wife leaves him to go mad in his blood-lust. By now he’s humping her like three times a day. Humping and drinking her sweet sunshine sugar milk.

The first kill comes in at one hour into the movie. Lix is hungry and takes down a guy at a park at night. She’s having so much blood-sex with her weak willed man that she must drink nine times the amount she expends, remember. From here most of the movie is them in bed or her fixing up the house which has become littered with food cartons and God knows what else. The slob only lies in bed sleeping most of the day and night until Lix joins him again for blood-sex. I’m not kidding, in one scene they are in bed and she is above him with a nasty gash on her neck dripping blood upon his open mouth.

As we reach the third act, the rogue scientists return for the girl, breaking into Carl’s place. Carl and a friend, and of course Lix, manage to kill the attackers providing fresh blood for our vampire whore hence fuel for more blood-sex with her tired looking man, Carl. The last seven minutes are them in bed groaning and yes, having blood sex. But you know what... they went too far. Lix wakes up dead from a long night of blood-letting and Carl cries to the heavens: "No(!!!!) God you took my mistress, sure I ruined my family by bringing my blood slut here so I could juice her, but darn it I loved her!" Those words weren’t spoken but you get the idea. The tits were good, there should have been better quality blood, and decent villains. The last thing I will say is that this movie made me feel bad, strange, and thirsty!

  - Jorge Antonio Lopez


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