I’m very excited to hear about the resurgence of this film as a cult phenomenon. Both IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes have claimed it to be the worst movie ever made. And recently a documentary called Best Worst Movie has chronicled the history of this low budget wonder film and it’s appeal to B-Movie enthusiasts. I had seen this movie before and I personally love it and feel hurt when it gets put down. I have always thought that the main purpose of a film is to entertain and this film does that thoroughly.

Grandpa Seth has recently passed away and the Waits family think that a change of scenery might do them some good. They plan a trip to the small farming town of Nilbog and the night before, everybody’s excited. Grandpa shows up to young Josh Waits in visions, warning him of danger. Holly Waits is the self- obsessed teenaged daughter who is jealous that her boyfriend spends too much time with the guys. Diana Waits is just the stupid faced mother who doesn’t really do anything interesting or stand out as a character. Michael Waits is the optimistic dumb father that is almost as lame as his wife. But he planned the trip so he’s cool in my book. I wonder how he chose the town of Nilbog. It doesn’t really matter, but you should already be aware that Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards...boo!!

When the family gets to the home they will be spending their vacation at, the owners have set up a nice table with snacks and drinks. Grandpa Seth warns Josh that he must not let his family eat the food. So grandpa freezes time (you heard correctly) just as they are about to consume the meal and Josh stands on the table and urinates all over the meal rendering it inedible. I had forgotten several things since the last time I saw this movie but I have never, or will ever forget that scene where a young boy stands up on the dinner table and proceeds to urinate over the meal. Fucking brilliant! Elliott (Holly’s boyfriend) trails the family van in an RV with a rag tag group of guy friends that will only serve to be food for the goblins. Let me explain how these devilish creatures operate. The Waits have unwittingly landed in their village. The goblins take the form of human beings so as to draw real folks to danger. Goblins feed on humans but are vegetarians. So what they have to do is feed humans green concoctions (specially formulated meals disguised as average food) that will turn them into vegetation and render them edible to the goblins. You might be asking yourself if this all sounds messed up. Well it is, it’s amazing.

There is an evil goblin witch that lives in the woods and brews potions and meals to turn humans into chow. One of Elliott’s dorky friends ends up there and gets turned into a human potted plant. The make up and effects are pretty cheesy but plausible. Most of the blood is green and there is plenty of it. It all fits in nicely to the feel of the severely offbeat horror comedy. Since the Waits have nothing to eat now the towns people prepare a banquet at their house, each bringing deadly green treats. Nobody takes Josh seriously so he calls upon his dead grandfather. He instructs the boy to burn down the house but that plan is thwarted by one of the goblin leaders (in human garb of course). But that won’t hold Grandpa back. He shoots a lightning bolt (or by pyrokinesis) and sets the goblin on fire. After the fire has killed him there’s a goblin corpse left behind and now the family believes Josh and they better be grateful he pissed on their food too damn it! Now we cut to another amazing scene where the devilishly beautiful witch seduces one of Elliott’s friends in the RV with corn on the cob. That’s right, she gets him all hot and bothered and they apparently make love while the corn turns into pop corn, That is how hot the scene was, with no nudity mind you.

Back at the house the Waits are surrounded by the now hostile goblins. The cool thing is that they can’ t eat them unless they first feed them strange green foods. But they could kill them - yes I think they could do that, but they would still be hungry. As a last resort the family sits around a table and perform a séance calling Grandpa Seth. Suddenly goblins break inside the house and Josh is teleported (by grandpa I suppose?) to the goblin witch’s hideout. Grandpa gives Josh a backpack with a special item inside that he must only use in extreme danger. The goblins corner the family back at the house but the witch calls them all back to her lair. They grab the boy and then he opens the backpack and takes out the secret weapon... a double-decker baloney sandwich! As Josh chomps on it the goblins retreat cause they are so grossed out by meat. Grandpa tells Josh that he has to go now for good but that in order to destroy the goblins they must use the power of good. What this all boils down to is that the family has to place their hands on a magic stone wall in the witch’s house and concentrate (on the power of goodness?!). In this film that works out just fine, for the goblins melt away and are all destroyed. They go back home and all is well except for the fact that Josh’s mother is being eaten on the kitchen table, naked, full off green goo by a family of goblins and her son watches in horror. I couldn’t have penned a better ending myself.

There are so many great scenes in this film. As I stated earlier, this film serves up entertainment like it’s nobodies business. In no way is this the worst movie ever but quite possibly in many ways it’s the best, most fun bad movie ever. We are thrown into an easy going, simple fun story which is surprisingly bizarre and so much fun. All you have to do is sit back and experience the ride. I love goofy, cheezy movies and this should be an example to the people at Troma of what a good one looks like.

- Jorge Antonio Lopez