WEREWOLF WOMAN (1976)
posted 00/00/2011

Directed by:
Rino Di Silvestro

Starring:
Annik Borel ... Daniela Neseri
Howard Ross ... Luca Mondini
Dagmar Lassander ... Elena Neseri
Tino Carraro ... Count Neseri

Country: Italy
Runtime: 79 min, 98 min (DVD version)
Original title: La lupa mannara
AKA: Daughter of a Werewolf
       
   
 
       

I hate it when a movie lies to me. People always tell you to not judge a book by its cover, or a movie by its poster, but usually the titles are spot on. Little did I know that this 1976 film directed and co-written by Rino Di Silvestro (Women in Cell Block 7, Hannah D) was ready to practice some false advertising to get me, the unsuspecting horror movie fan, to watch their bullshit psychological movie. This is a red death movie not because it lied to me and failed to deliver a movie about a werewolf woman (silly, right?), but because it failed to deliver on the story it was really trying to tell as well.

We are introduced to Daniela, a statuesque blond with a nice rack, that is having constant nightmares about her ancestor. Her ancestor was a werewolf and she would dance naked in a ring of torches and turn into a hairy-breasted retard and eat people. She is caught and burned at the stake by the townspeople and that, my friends, is the end of the werewolf woman in this picture....which is called the fucking Werewolf Woman! Daniela's doctor believes she is going crazy because she has fixated on this ancestor and that she should be hospitalized. We believe that she is becoming possessed by the ghost of the werewolf woman and that she will soon become...oh, no wait, she IS just a crazy fucking bitch. She attacks and kills her sister's fiancée, after masturbating to them making love, and Daniela does not become the least bit hairier in the process. She is hospitalized after the attack, but escapes soon after thanks to the help of a lesbian mental patient that she stabs in the neck as a thank you.

Now on the run, the movie becomes a series of mindless, pointless scenes that aren't even worth describing as padding, but padding is the only other word I can think of besides total bullshit. Basically our "werewolf" woman stalks from location to location, watching people have sex and then killing them with her lame normal teeth and normal fingernails. There's a long bit where she is picked up hitchhiking by an old man who takes her back to his sex pad and tries to rape her and she kills him. Then, most improbably of all, she falls in love with a stunt guy who lives in an abandoned western movie set. The following is not a lie: he impresses her by performing stunts like falling off of a tall tower and jumping through windows, after which they laugh and roll on the floor and run on the beach and make out as the sun sets. What the fuck is happening to this movie? Yeah, that's what I was saying...a lot. But the director decides to make this another kind of movie when three guys show up out of nowhere in the western town and rape Daniela. Her stunt man boyfriend shows up and tries to fight the guys off, but he is killed.

The film's ridiculous third act is actually the most satisfying, despite its short length. Our "horror" movie becomes a revenge picture as Daniela exacts revenge on the rapists. She crushes two of them in a junkyard with one of those big claw contraptions, and she sets the third man on fire while he sleeps in tiny red underwear. I call this the most satisfying because I could actually understand what the movie was trying to convey and where it was heading. Meanwhile, there is a detective with his head up his ass saying things like "all these murders happened on the full moon", which means absolutely nothing. He is trying to track down Daniela and bring her in, after her trail of bodies is discovered, and when his partner utters the completely random name of a park, he suddenly knows where Daniela is and they rush to surround her as she lights a fire around herself and dances crazily as the police swarm her and she is arrested for being fucking crazy....and not a werewolf.

Before you accuse me of making stuff up based on the pictures provided from said "film", I must warn you that most of them (the werewolf woman ones) are taken from the first five minutes of the movie...not kidding. I was extremely disappointed in this movie, because it is one I have wanted to watch for quite some time. The images of the werewolf woman I found floating around out there enticed me, and I tried my hardest to track this film down. I've been disappointed by a movie I really wanted to see before, but this one hurts even more because I feel that I've been lied to. It would have maybe gotten 1 coffin if the film were titled Wild Woman, but the fact that they chose to call it a werewolf movie and then only marginally deal with that subject chaps my ass. Despite the fact that the title is completely, insanely incorrect, the movie was dull as hell with a plotless string of episodic padding that literally felt like fifty people had gone off to shoot bits of this movie and then they cobbled it together. This movie is far too long, far too boring, and has its pants on fire for lying to me, to be worth your time. There were more goddamn werewolf women in that horrible piece of crap Blood and Chocolate! Shit, for my money, watch Ginger Snaps instead, that was a great werewolf woman movie, and it didn't even have a full transformation until the end!

- Jose Prendes

 

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