A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973) Then Christina wakes up in the morning and finds (I kid you not) a black dildo statue on the floor. She crawls to it in slow motion and smashes it, then Carmenze's blind slave girl appears in the corner and tells her that she has destroyed their only protection. Trust me, I doesn't make much sense in the film either. And Now the Screaming Starts (1973) Then she starts seeing a long-haired man outside her bedroom window. He smiles devilishly, even though his eyes have been gouged completely out of his greasy face. The original owner of the manor house, raped the virginal bride of his stable boy during a drunken party one night, then chopped the man's hand off so that he would learn respect (that's how they did things back then). Andy Warhol's Dracula (1974) If a horny molasses monster could direct a film about Dracula, this would be the film it would make. Dracula eventually finds a fourth daughter, an older one, who is a virgin. He bites her, and makes her his bride. But it may be too late because Mario, the sexed-up stable boy, is on to the count and is out to kill him. Andy Warhol's Frankenstein (1973) "This is the first time Andy Warhol and Paul Morrisey team up to recreate horror's greatest monsters in their artsy, free-loving hippie aesthetic. Baron Frankenstein lives in a castle in Europe with his wife and two children. They lead a relatively dull and domesticated life together, but individually they all have secrets. The wife is an adulteress, the children are into voyeurism, and the Baron is constructing the perfect pair of Serbian zombies."
"Our dumbass heroine’s revenge plan includes killing innocent people and masturbating her breasts while watching her best friend get tortured. If you want to see naked German strumpets you will find plenty here, including female genitalia shots." Antropophagus (1980) It turns out a seemingly normal man was set adrift on a raft with his wife and child, and when hunger set in he ate the shit out of them, thus becoming a super cannibal maniac who has made short work of the entire island and is now targeting the succulent morsels that the tourists represent. Beyond, The (1981) She is planning to restore the old place, but along the way she finds out that it sits over one of the seven doors to hell. Oops! But then crazy shit starts to happen, and the blind chick is eaten by her dog while zombies watch. Kinky! Beyond the Darkness (1979) " I'd like to know how this freak grew up, his childhood. He was probably killing animals, cooking them and eating them in his backyard. And the housekeeper is even worse than him. I don’t know about you but I like some back story on my murderer. I guess you can never guess what to expect when you have pornographers making horror films. " Blood (2000) Lix’s blood is like an eye-opening drug that when consumed get’s the recipient very high. By now he’s humping her like three times a day. Humping and drinking her sweet sunshine sugar milk.
"We are instantly treated to the half naked woman, still breathing while getting her hand cut off by guys that look more like spacemen than pharaohs. While the movie starts out with promise, it flutters and bounces around with a lot of filler." Blood on Satan's Claw (1971) They lure their young friends into the woods and pretend to play games with them, but in fact they kill them, sacrificing them to their dark lord. He grabs a big- ass Anime-style sword and charges into the woods as the coven prepares to finally summon the devil and one can only guess its to rule the world or something. Blood Spattered Bride, The (1972) "Then things get weird. Susan refuses to give her husband oral sex and then she begins to refuse his advances and even hide from him at times. In this dreamlike state Susan repeatedly stabs her sleeping husband. She later tries to kill him for real, during a walk at the beach with the dildo dagger."
"The Crimson Executioner is put to death in a sword-studded blue coffin for his barbarous acts and left to rot in his castle in the Italian hills for centuries. That is until a group of photographers and their sexy young models show up... "
" Helsing meets the vampire again at the old wind mill where he manages to get bitten on the neck. But this wont stop our bad ass hero from saving the day. Helsing treats his wounds by cauterizing it then splashing some holy water on his neck and lo, the vampire’s mark has been exorcised." Burial Ground (1981) Evelyn (Michael’s mother) played by Mariangela Giordano is so heartbroken with her son’s death and when he returns, even as a zombie, she lets him get fresh with her and offers him milk to his mouth. Yes a zombie boy sucks warm milk from his mother's brest then bites and yanks a chunk of breast off her. Most of the characters are killed off by disembowelment or other cruel ways.
"They poke his eye out with a corkscrew and cut open his chest and pull the intestines out. Then for the grand finale they pull apart his legs so far that he tears in half. I have never seen a film attempt this and show all of it on camera, without flinching. The result was marvelous. Pure madness." Cannibal Ferox (1981) "In the hut Joe tells the others the truth about Mike being a sadistic monster and how the prior story was all made up. In fact Mike and some others had exploited the otherwise peaceful natives to search for emeralds. When this didn’t work Mike became furious and the natives became vengeful cannibals. ...tying up Mike, cutting his filthy cock off and eating it uncooked. The cannibals go as far as cauterizing the wound so he won’t bleed out and be able to suffer more…ouch!"
"They terrorize a village and set it on fire and later they take turns raping a native girl. There is plenty of blood for the gore hound, extreme rapes for the sleazy and if you have a taste for animal torture then you will leave satisfied."
"It goes something along the lines of a butcher who accidentally kills a man and it triggers dormant homicidal tendencies. He then kills half a dozen people over the course of a week and I guess he eats them." Cannibals (1980) Suddenly three or four cannibals attack the boat and gang-eat the scientist’s wife. These cannibalistic frenzies are shot so close-up that you see a mouth, then a breast, then a mouth chewing a steak, then some hair. Oh God, and these things run for several hypnotizing minutes. Cat in the Brain, A (1990) "Fulci stars and directs in this picture about a horror film director tormented by the excess violence and sex in his work. He wonders if he is going crazy and even if perhaps he has become a homicidal maniac. There are multiple beheadings with knives, blunt sticks and by chainsaw."
"The following are the characteristics that made Curse so wonderful, all of which would be repeated many times over during Hammer’s glorious history and would forge a style that would be known as Hammer Horror: Gothic atmosphere, Christopher Lee as the Creature, and Peter Cushing as Creature Destroyer / Creator." Devil's Backbone, The (2001) Later we see he is also banging the much older, saggy skinned, Carmen. Oh, and did I mention that Carmen has her right leg amputated at the knee and wears a scary looking wooden leg.He then covers up his mess by tying the corpse, taking it downstairs and dropping it into a pool or murky water. Don’t ask. I don’t know what a deep pool is doing in the basement of the kitchen.
"Here’s another Jesus Franco jungle/cannibal picture and it really isn’t that bad. There is a minimum of gore which is too bad but we get plenty of beautiful boobies and hairy snatch close ups (under the careful direction of exploitation pro Franco) to delight even the most jaded of exploitation film fans." Devil's Nightmare, The (1971) "This is one of those Euro gothic tales that involves a creepy castle and a pact with the devil. A group of tourists seek shelter in a creepy castle inhabited by a Baron whose ancestor had made a pact with the devil. Every generation’s first born female will become a succubus, a diabolical demon temptress of men."
"Some demented bastard is out to get Santa and he wants Scotland Yard to know it. Bizarre and brutal murders are happening all over England and the victims are all guys in Santa suits. ... he blows one Santa's head off, he barbecues another, and he embarrasses an elderly Santa in front of a very nice stripper by stabbing him in the brain and splattering his blood all over the glass separating him from the lovely young tart." Eaten Alive (1980) "This movie boasts a perfect five, on each of the 3B’s categories yet I only give it three overall coffins. Cannibal exploitation fans , already coming into this with huge expectations of barbarism, won’t be let down unless your me. This feels and is a remake of the Cannibal exploitation genre. Lenzi edited in scenes from three other cannibal flicks. ...like this film, they could rehash proven scenes and story lines, add some extra tits and blood and present their shit on a platter."
"This is sold as an exorcism movie, but the title event takes up maybe 5 minutes towards the end. In the meantime the padding is filled with random killing, a detective subplot, lots of religious discussions, psycho-babble and some non-interesting "scare" sequences, which are sparse." Female Vampire (1973) Then she meets up with some other people, has sex with them and drinks their genital blood. Then she goes to a castle somewhere, where these 2 girls strip her naked and whip her, then she has sex with them and drinks their genital blood. Then she meets up with this dumb-looking guy, who she falls in love with, but in the end she cannot overcome her blood lust and drinks his genital blood. There is one boring as hell scene where she licks a bed post and has sex with a pillow, which went on forever! Ghost Son (2006) One time Stacey is breast-feeding the baby and he bites down on her nipple and causes her to bleed. Cool !, but baby’s don’t have teeth…? My personal favorite is when baby is taking a shower with mom and he reaches down to grab and squeeze her boob ! The baby creeps her out all the time.
All the magical elements are perfectly blended with eroticism to produce a sumptuous feast for the viewer. You can’t go wrong with two lesbian friends who stumble upon a lesbian witch with countless girl slaves in an enchanted castle.
"The film is a beautiful technicolor masterpiece of old-fashioned gothic filmmaking that would have fit right in with the films of the 1930s and '40s. Featuring Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, heaving bosoms, and the world's first bloody Dracula, how in the world could you go wrong?"
"While the nudity is A+, the deaths are all pretty lame, going as far as being reminiscent of higher level micro films today. Maybe it’s the cardboard acting or the red paint looking blood but it doesn’t hold up (if it ever did)." Innocents, The (1961) ... the kids, Miles and Flora, have been possessed by the ghosts of the departed gardener and their former nanny. SAY WHAT? How she came to this conclusion, I have no idea, but now she has vowed to force the spirits out of the kids and save their young souls. The children, who straddle the delicate line between sweet and creepy. Inside (2007) Who would have imagined that you could make a hell of a tense movie about a pregnant lady fending off a crazy woman that takes place pretty much in a bathroom?!? ...others show up at the house (friends of Sarah, cops, etc.) and end up getting stabbed, bludgeoned, and dismembered in their quest to protect the defenseless Sarah. Julie Darling (1983) "I suggest tracking this film down if you enjoy a good game of chess or just like seeing Sybil Danning's ample bosom heaving. It may start a bit slow, but as soon as Julie's mom gets raped, the film slides into exploitation mode and becomes a clever mix of cat-and-mouse suspense, serial killer drama, and incest sleaze."
"I understand why Jose passes on these films, maybe because of the male nudity; but come on now let’s not be too prissy considering the excitement of cannibal dismemberments and promiscuous cocoa-skinned females." Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, The (1974) Within the main chamber there is a very large cauldron with boiling blood. Around the cauldron are seven closed coffin like planks where topless Chinese women victims can often be found screaming during an evening of blood drinking. The golden vampires, once fed, wait for Dracula to bang his gong (I’m not kidding) and unleash them upon the village. The final battle between Helsing and Dracula lasts…twenty seconds ! Let the Right One in (2008) “Cramming in tortured love, violent, blood-soaked murders, and vampire hunter story points, this quiet little film does all a vampire film is expected to do, but adds a different dimension that most of them don’t have…the film certainly draws blood freely when it knows it has to.”
"This is the hippie tree-hugger's zombie film. I wasn't expecting the zombie feasting to be so viscerally gory, so when they rip into the stomach of an unlucky cop and eat his guts it took me by surprise because up until then the film had been kind of dull." Macabre (1980) Lucy has grown spiteful of her mother and begins a weird plan to throw things into disarray. And she starts by drowning her brother Michael in the bathtub. How this could be revenge is only logical in a twisted mind and Lucy is just that. The blind man gets aroused and gets fresh with Mrs. Baker during a strange erotic bed-making scene. Later on she withdraws deeper into her sole obsession with her dead lover.
"Can there be such a thing as too much nudity? What I do not enjoy is a pornographic film claiming to be a horror tale. The nudity here is far beyond gratuitous. Romay is fully naked 90 percent of the film. I can only recommend this film if you want to see Romay naked and cream your jeans." Man From Deep River "These are the adventures of a curious, English photographer in an exotic land who falls in love with a “froth at the crotch” hot primitive girl, played angelically by Me Me Lai. When it’s their turn the man sticks his hand in and is free to grope Maraya wherever he pleases. All the men grope her firm boobs and lower areas of her body. The thing is that Maraya is to say stop when the man with the hand that has groped her has pleased her and therefore she will marry. " Mark of the Devil (1970) In a small German town the local with-finder Albino (yes that’s his name) thinks he is above the law and could get away with almost anything, abusing his power. Albino denounces Vanessa as a witch and she is whipped, poked (not with what your thinking) with a pointy metal stick and incarcerated. ...there is a young woman accused of fornication with Satan and being pregnant with his child.
"Rockstar God Alice Cooper plays...a rockstar, believe it or not, who may just be a werewolf. His father was murdered and burned to ashes by the townsfolk because they believed he was a werewolf that was controlling all the local dogs and killing off the innocent townsfolk." Mountain of the Cannibal God, The (1978) While the tribe is sleeping, recovering from their lust orgies a cannibal unties Susan and tries to rape her. He is caught and has his penis chopped off. You get a full frontal shot of the action. I thought this was done extremely well. The next sexually charged scene is of a boy having intercourse with a pig. The pig squeals crazily ! Nekromantik (1987) One evening he brings Betty home a surprise. Inside a black plastic bag is a full rotting corpse. They rip open the bag right there and begin to make love to the corpse. To cope with the loss of his bitch girlfriend he goes to the movies and kills a cat and bathes in its blood and meats. With this not being enough he takes a prostitute to a graveyard, kills her and well… you can imagine the rest.
"Marcus is the strangest twelve year old boy you’ll ever meet. If you want to see Britt Ekland strip completely nude before a young boy this is your movie. If you want to see a crazy son of a bitch kid that gets turned on by watching his parents have sex this is also your movie."
" The title alone conjures images of sand zombies attacking camels and feasting on virgin flesh as the moon rises over the cooling sand dunes. The reality is far harsher, but what else could be expected form the mind of Jess (or Jesus) Franco. I love Franco. With him, we'll never be at a loss for shitty horror movies to review with tons of nudity and gore." Phenomena (1985) "There is no arguing that Dario Argento (the director/writer) is certifiably insane. ...A young (and very cute) Jennifer Connelly arrives at a creepy boarding school in Europe somewhereonly to find out that a psycho killer (is there any other kind?) is on the loose. It just so happens that Jennifer has some kind of connection with the killer and has a strange bond with insects as well. Pieces (1982) We open on a young 10yr old kid piecing together a nudie puzzle on the floor of his living room. His mother walks in from behind and freaks out destroying the puzzle and most of the room. She asks him for a bag. He returns with an axe. He whacks her good a couple of times in the head then saws up her body into pieces. Our chainsaw wielding hero does a darn good job of cutting things up. There are a couple of chainsaw beheadings, an arm sliced off and cool gruesome shots.
"We are introduced to the world's stupidest doctor who has brilliantly combined the semen of a rat and the egg of a monkey and created the Ratman. Despite an interesting, dare I say awesome, premise, this movie was kind of a letdown. Based on the high weirdness and obscurity level alone, it's a must-see." [Rec] (2007) "This is an intense, and scary movie that I promise will have you jumping our of your seat at least a rotting handful of times. The film excellently captures the jump-out scares of a haunted house."
"There is a disturbing paraplegic jerk-off scene when the nun gives Miria's wheelchair bound uncle a sponge bath and there are a lot of other ridiculous things in this movie that make no sense. If you like your possession horror movies with some boobies and a bit of foreign weirdness, then you'll dig this movie." Sinful Dwarf, The (1973) Dwarves are great, but perverted pimp dwarves are even better! Olaf is a creepy dwarf guy who runs a boarding house kind of thing with his bat-shit crazy mother. But behind the scenes, the boarding house is merely a cover for a den of drugged-up girls who are being held against their wills in the attic and are pimped out by Olaf the sinful dwarf. Tenebre (1982) "All of the killings seem to be related to Neal’s book. In one occasion pages from the novel were stuffed into a victim’s mouth. And off course Neal begins to receive anonymous letters from a supposed obsessed fan turned killer." "... the ex wife gets her arm chopped off in one of the most splatterific scenes I have ever seen. She holds her freaking stump as blood squirts allover the walls." Troll 2 (1990) "...this film serves up entertainment like it’s nobodies business. In no way is this the worst movie ever but quite possibly in many ways it’s the best, most fun bad movie ever. We are thrown into an easy going, simple fun story which is surprisingly bizarre and so much fun." Two Evil Eyes (1990) "Then the old man dies while under hypnosis and he’s caught between this world and the next. He says that the others are going to use him as a vessel to cross to our world. The second story is titled: “THE BLACK CAT” directed by Argento. Harvey Keitel plays Roderick Usher, an unstable crime photographer. As to Argento’s story …casting Harvey Keitel in this role was really weird."
"Paul Naschy plays the three principal parts here: Krisna, Kantaka, and (most enjoyably) Satan; and he shines in all three roles. Naschy is such a dominant force as an actor, a presence so brimming in machismo, it is impossible for him to be bad in anything."
"The one thing I enjoyed was Naschy. His performance as the reclusive werewolf man was excellent. I didn’t feel much tension or suspense and though the settings were great looking it wasn’t enough. The vampire witch character had no depth whatsoever." Who Can Kill a Child ? (1976) But soon we start to realize, if not immediately by the creepy aura the kids are giving off, that all the adults have been killed off because the kids have suddenly gone berserk and become homicidal. The third great moment involves the change that takes place in the child baking in Evelyn's oven. That's right folks, a fetus kills its mother. There's a first for everything! Wicker Man, The (1973) There is everything from boisterous song and dance to sexual aberrations and bizarre rituals. Anyway in this rite young naked girls in a circle take turns jumping through a fire pit in the center. The big May festival is here and all the freaks are out in their animal costumes. It’s like a carnival of depravity.
"Spanner is out, and Lutz takes center stage. Lutz is still a woman and buxom Stephanie Beaton returns from part 9 to reprise her role. The best scene is about a half hour in when we got a boatload of nudity. Beaton takes a sultry, big-breasted bath, the evil Raven and Hyde have crazy sex, and Celeste and her boyfriend Harry make it on their comfy bed." Zombie (1979) Now, I will agree that not all Fulci films are wonderful works of gut-punching art, but a great Fulci film is like a sledgehammer to the groin, and this movie, "ZOMBIE", is a spiked sledgehammer set ablaze. There is an amazing, cringe-worthy scene in which a beautiful naked woman has her head forced toward a broken doorway by a rather violent zombie, and the closer she gets you start to realize that he's going to poke her in the eye with a splintery piece of door, and the final gory finish has to be seen to be believed. Zombie Holocaust (1980) This is neither a zombie movie nor a holocaust. Susan gets chased into the woods and lassoed with a bright red ribbon (I kid you not). Peter is captured and George has his eyes poked out, disemboweled, and eaten. ... and I don’t remember how Lori ends up with the cannibals inside a large cave, fully naked, having a cannibal paint blue flowers on her body. |
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