I’m not aware of any zombie westerns out there. When I was given the opportunity to review this film I jumped at it. It’s probably no coincidence that it’s being released (on video) alongside the big budget Hollywood film Cowboys & Aliens. The distributors figured that if people were down for a cowboy cocktail, they’d give Cowboys & Zombies, which is this films alternate title in the UK, a chance.

Mortimer is a bounty hunter on the trail of an Indian who’s wanted for raping and murdering a white woman. He’s wanted alive because the victim’s father wants to see him hang. That means Mortimer will have to haul his ass around to the closest town. The Indian is said to be a bloodthirsty monster who dwells in the woods and scalps or decapitates anybody that wanders onto his terrain. When Mortimer stops at the town close to the Indian’s stomping ground he meets a man who is selling wives or hostesses, not whores mind you. He purchases a woman named Rhiannon to use as bait. He plans to set her free when he’s done using her but what kind of hero puts a woman in danger of rape and or murder, for any reason! The funny thing is that when he secures her to a stake in the ground to lure the Indian he falls asleep at his post.

Somewhere in the second act the zombies are introduced. Two miners unearth a large stone with a glowing green liquid center. They take it to the center of town and smash it with a pickax. Green mist and smoke envelope the small population and turn them into carnivorous mutants, which is a pretty close thing to zombies, right? I’m gonna take the liberty of skipping ahead and hopping a lame subplot involving a rival German bounty hunter which is not at all important. What ends up happening, believe it or not, is Mortimer and the Indian team up to battle the zombie onslaught. Rhiannon is left with no choice but to tag along and try not to get killed. When the party returns to town it’s completely empty and the windows have been boarded up.

While Rhiannon rests upstairs the boys have a heart to heart conversation, which is entirely inept and laugh out loud ridiculous. This is impart to the cheesy script and the wooden acting. Mortimer opens up about his motive for collecting bounty. He says he forced himself (sexually) upon a minor and got her pregnant. He wants to (in his own words), “Make an honest woman out of her”, whatever the hell that means. Then the Indian shares that he too deflowered a white girl and brought the white man’s rage upon him. He claims he was in love though, but the girl’s father went after him and accidentally shot his daughter instead and blamed him. So now these men have bonded over illicit love and can proceed to some zombie ass-kicking.

They agree that these monsters may be stronger and faster than themselves but not smarter, therefore they decide to hunt them under the cover of night. Am I the only one that sees through this bullshit logic. Regardless, shooting at night is more expensive, with the lighting and all, so in the end the nighttime ass-kicking is handled off-screen and we see our heroes return in the morning. Another one of their smart ideas was to board up the exits to the saloon where Rhiannon was sleeping, to keep her safe. They failed to notice that they had locked her in with a zombie mutant. She manages to defend herself though until the two men arrive. The final zombie fight takes place that morning. The battle was lackluster and uninspired.

I gave this movie two coffins because the creatures looked good and there were three gratuitous breast shots which helped me digest this film. I wouldn’t recommend this film to anyone other than diehard zombie fans which might get a little kick out of certain scenes. The film is being put out by Inception Media Group, galloping onto DVD July 26th, 2011.

- Jorge Antonio Lopez