Imagine a town, a sleepy one of course, that is deathly afraid of a piano. Not just a piano, it's a Harmonium. What the hell is that you may ask? Well, it's a piano. However, this isn't just any ordinary piano because this one's stuck in this boring, sluggish mess of a movie! Oh, and it’s apparently possessed by demon pirates or something.

The film begins as the quiet town of Ludlow (population: 47, no joke) is celebrating its bicentennial. The mayor interrupts the depressed-looking revelers to unveil a gift from the descendants of the man who founded the town, Ludlow himself. Ludlow left the town twenty or so years after founding it due to some mysterious circumstances and the mayor wants the people of his town to see this gift as a sign of bygones becoming bygones. The gift is that piano I mentioned. It's white with gold trim and tall as shit too. Maybe that's so they can fit all those demons in there. Anyway, they play the piano for the first time in ages and a horde of demons are instantly set loose on the town.

Did I use the word "instantly"? I meant, leisurely. Did I also use "demon" more than once? No, no, I meant old guys in pirate outfits. But the leader of the "demons" or pirate ghosts (ghost pirates?) is actually a sickly little girl that appears here and there to look around at stuff. Actually, most of this movie is people blundering around in the dark, walking around for no good reason at all, and looking at stuff. The plot unfolds as Debra, an ace reporter and a former resident of the town (she was the 48th) starts to suspect that something sinister is happening around the piano. She drags her clumsy cameraman back to the town over and over and over again as the same scene is repeated with her wondering what is happening and not getting an answer. On the other hand, the mayor and the Preacher are worried that something bad is happening. People are mysteriously dying and the Preacher warns that the piano is a sign of Ludlow's return for some form of vengeance. It turns out his daughter died while young (she would be the sickly pirate ghost girl) and Ludlow blamed the town and that's one of the reasons he returned back to England.

In the meantime, while Debra is still wondering what's going on, a young couple is killed by a glowing demon hand (the only proper demon in the film, too!!!), a retarded teen who plays with dolls is stripped naked and mobbed by a family of pirates that were having dinner in her house (not kidding), a woman in bed has a visit from a poltergeist, the sickly girl shows up at the retarded teen's mom's bedroom and throws rocks at her head, and three pirate guys appear in a gym and swordfight, then cut a random guy's head off. Finally Debra is contacted by the Preacher and is let in on everything. Apparently, Ludlow just "wants his hands back". At this point I started wondering what the hell they mean by that, but I was so bored by this lackluster movie that I just decided to sit back and let it peter out. The Preacher figures out that he must play specific notes on the piano and all will be well. They do this, but all is not well. Ludlow and his party people come back, chop the Preacher's hands off, and only then is everything well.

Directed by Bill Rebane, the gifted craftsman that brought us The Giant Spider Invasion, this film suffers from many things, but the most important element is plot. NOTHING HAPPENS! People wander around, the same exact scenes are reenacted every few minutes, and the end result is a boring, uninteresting movie. The writers are to blame for this, of course, but Rebane should be held to account for providing no tension or suspense, or lighting during the dull, useless scenes. Actually, the more I think about it, this movie is completely useless! This is an utterly pointless movie and it is a waste of your time. The gore effects are cheesy and slim pickings as it is. The low-budget of the project really shines through the threadbare atmosphere (they use one house for everything, I think) and the muddy cinematography is maddening. There are absolutely no scares, no entertainment value, and worst of all no sense to be found.

- Jose Prendes