Being a filmmaker, I was intrigued by the premise of "Project: Greenlight", and never really enjoyed the series until the third and final season when a luckless fat guy named John Gulager got the chance to direct the monster fest that was the first Feast. I rooted for him throughout his hardships and was overjoyed to find the film almost a year later in the stores. Little did I expect to find a masterpiece. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, don't worry, I won't spoil any of the good parts.

This film is as simple as it gets....well, sort of. A bunch of random people are spending their evening in a shit hole bar in the middle of the desert. Each character (or stereotype, I should say) is introduced and given a simple title like "BARTENDER", played by Clu Gulager, John Gulager's father and star of Return of the Living Dead among other stuff. The rest of the all-star cast includes the amazingly hot Krista Allen, the often-annoying Jason 'Jay' Mewes, Henry Rollins, who is a surprisingly good actor and the greatest character actor of all time, Judah Friedlander.

But enough about the cast. The film begins right at the top when a man and woman burst in proclaiming that everyone better get ready because a shit-load of monsters are headed for the bar. No one believes them until the crazed creatures arrive, wearing animal pelts and feeling extremely horny. So begins an intense night of survival as the group tries to stay in one piece and fight off the monsters. I will pause here, briefly, for a well-deserved kudos for the makeup team. The monsters are not only practical and not CGI bullshit, but are unique and freaky as hell. In fact, if this film had had some boobies it would have been a Golden Coffin winner for sure. It gets one drop for breasts because of Krista's excellent tank top and the A/C. Anyway...

The unusually large number of humans in the bar means we are going to start losing some characters, and the movie doesn't wait for character development to plod along before the gore showers down upon us. Soon, escape plans are hatched and revenge against the creatures becomes the order of the day. One character, Harley Mom (played by Gulager's girlfriend), ends up becoming bait by accident and gets screwed in the mouth by a particularly enthusiastic creature. She does not come to a happy ending. The film and the monsters do not let up until the sun rises, and even then there are a few surprises in store which leaves the door wide open for the inevitable sequel that wouldn't have been so inevitable if this film had sucked.

I love this movie! I simply love it. No explanation is given for the existence of the creatures or where they came from, and it doesn't really matter. You are swept away by the bold, breathless action and are living moment to moment along with the characters. There is a ton of blood and puss and guts and monster semen galore, making this one of the most splatterific movies on this website. The writing is sharp, the direction is spot on, and the actors are great. This is as good as new horror films get, and I am very happy to say I was there way back when it was all a dream and all it needed was a greenlight to get made.

- Jose Prendes