30 Days of Night (2007)
"I bring hope, dear bloodsucking fiends, in the form of a kick-ass vampire movie that deserves to be praised. ...lengthy and spectacularly gory survival story as they try to outwit the superhuman demons and stay alive for the month until sunrise."
"This debacle is about a satanic force that lures people who call the 976 number into performing evil acts. Hoax is weaving the evil force to his benefit and has satanic symbols to perform rituals in his bedroom. He grows a monster hand with black claws and his face turns even more stupid."
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
"Interlaced with vicious murders and a respectable amount of bloodletting for a movie of this time period, Alice, Sweet Alice does something few horror films do with its story. It uses setting and context to maximum effect, giving the audience an undertone of moral oppression and hypocrisy to turn the wheels of discussion long after the closing credits."
Alien Factor, The (1978)
"Supposedly an alien zookeeper was traveling across space with three deadly creatures, captured from different parts of the galaxy. He was on his way home to study them when his ship crash landed on earth and released the creatures into the woods. Two of them are non-thinking animal forms and the third is an intelligent energy being."
Amateur Porn Star Killer (2006)
"They proceed to bore the fuck out of me as they talk about her life, about the heights of different actors, porn movie renting, home movies, and whole bunch of other random, phony garbage. Little by little (and I stress LITTLE BY LITTLE) he seduces her out of her clothes.This is a movie for psychos, because no regular person could sit through this dull, annoying movie and enjoy it."
Amateur Porn Star Killer 2 (2008)
"Shane Ryan stars and directs this disturbing peek into the sexual wanderings of a serial rapist and murderer. The movie is presented in a series of snuff clips shot by the killer. Amateur Porn Star Killer 2 is a perfect example of a modern day sex exploitation flick sure to make H.G. Lewis and Friedman proud."
Amateur Porn Star Killer 3: The Final Chapter (2009)
"We get the same cat and mouse tale with more teasing, humiliation, degradation, brutality and graphic sex scenes. The video quality is cleaner this time and
Ryan takes advantage of that by loading it with gratuitous nudity, so much so that it actually detracts from the story."
Amityville II: The Possession (1982)
"Sonny’s behavior gets really weird. He is withdrawn and irritable and very fucking creepy. He is slowly becoming possessed. He walks into his sister’s bedroom at night and they have sex. Apart from the evil behavior we know he is possessed because the skin on his face and arms gets bumpy, weird and his veins pop out."
Bad Channels (1992)
"He (the alien) plans to capture, miniaturize, and store in glass pods local women. And he will do all this from inside the station, through the power of radio broadcasting! As each victim listen to the radio they have a rock-n-roll delusion and disappear, arriving 12 inches tall, within the fungus pod inside the radio station."
Bad Dreams (1988)
"Mysterious deaths are happening off camera to the mental ward patients. But Cynthia keeps seeing the ghost of Harris in normal face and then in burnt up zombie face appearing and disappearing around her. So we suspect that her old cult leader boyfriend has returned from the grave to make sure she joins the rest of the Unity Field flock in fiery oblivion."
Barn of the Naked Dead (1974)
"They wander inside and find, to their amazement, a whole bunch of young and not-so-young women tied to the walls with chains. Before they have a chance to react, Andre shows up and forces the girls to join his collection. There is also a mutant freak wandering around the property that might or might not be Andre's dad, and he ends up killing lots of the girls."
Basement, The (1989)
"Four strangers have been summoned by a foreboding being who calls himself 'The Sentinel'. They shall each be condemned for subsequent sins which they have yet to commit. One by one we witness each character’s inexorable ruin. This is one of the best horror anthologies I have ever seen!"
"God disembowels himself; his stomach shits out dark colored gunk. Then a masked woman appears grabbing her breasts and looking up at the ceiling. She represents Mother Earth and I think she gives the corpse a hand job. This dude ejaculates on her stomach and she rubs the sperm down into her very hairy vagina and works it in there."
"Seth Correa wonderfully plays the demented passive-aggressive gay serial killer. He would use drugs to entice young tramps to his home where he would medicate, torture and rape them. He liked to write down details of his crazy misadventures and take plenty of photographs for future masturbation sessions."
Beyond Evil (1980)
"...a haunted mansion castle in the jungle that has been uninhabitated for over a 100 years. Alma Martin, a black magic practitioner, and her husband Esteban ended up killing each other and her demonic self is supposed to be the respective ghost. Her pact with the devil has made her strong and the locals avoid the old mansion."
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
"The CG birds are so poorly incorporated into the film they appear as existing in a parallel dimension or glued on to the video footage. In several scenes it looks like either the eagles are dropping bombs or exploding in mid-air, neither of which makes any sense!"
Blood Diner (1987)
"Now, led by their brain-in-a-jar uncle, the boys prepare to construct a body for Sheetar from the multiple corpses of loose women. There are many great moments; from a hooker getting her head deep-fried, to the rival vegetarian restaurant owner's fixations with a creepy Mexican ventriloquist dummy."
Blood Feast (1963)
"So he limps across town killing young women and stealing their body parts to cook in a stew in honor of Ishtar. With Blood Feast directed by Herschell
Gordon Lewis, the godfather of gore, and produced by David Friedman, gore films were born."
Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002)
"In a strange room he finds the stone statue of the goddess Ishtar. Her eyes light up and that’s enough to turn our normal caterer into a religious fanatic, homicidal
lunatic idiot. He suddenly now knows that he must plan a 'blood feast' and disguise it as a wedding reception. Oh and he must use Tiffani’s friends’ body parts as ingredients in the dishes."
Blood of Dracula's Castle (1969)
"Glen’s girlfriend Liz joins him to check the place out and evict the current tenants. So that is the central conflict in the film; Dracula and his friends have no place to live now. But as you can properly guess, Glen and Liz are taken captive, manage to escape, and battle the monsters."
Blood of the Zombie (1961)
"Directed by Barry Mahon who's idea of directing is filming everything in a wide shot, this old-fashioned voodoo zombie movie plays more like a Southern chamber drama than an all-out zombie romp. The last twenty minutes are entertaining with yellow-faced Jonas wandering around, killing, or trying to kill, women."
Blood Rage (1987)
"This fantastic slasher film impresses with some very ballsy gore; everything from bloody severed heads and split open brains to women chopped in half and guys stabbed in the neck with barbecue prongs. While the film doesn't offer much but killing and running it still manages to be enthralling and an honest to God stand up and cheer blood bath. "
Blood Seekers (1971)
"Later that night the monster man kills again. You don’t get a good look at his face until the third murder, in which he looks like he has the head of the toxic avenger but with more lumps and indistinct facial features. Caulderon’s wife explains to Adam how she needs the blood of some girls for eternal life then she heads back to the crypt."
Blood Song (1982)
"The killer is played by Frankie Avalon (yeah, the same one you're thinking of from all those beach party movies) and he is as believable a killer as Sammy
Davis Jr. would be. He gets mad whenever someone touches his flute, because his daddy made it for him and it’s very delicate. This felt like a family drama
more than a kill fest."
Bloodbath in the House of Knives (2010)
"We see a beautiful woman drinking milk and getting her throat slashed. The killer then pulls down her dress exposing some luscious small nipples. He wipes his blade clean on her chest and abdomen before thrusting the knife up her cunt repeatedly."
"Serena had her first orgasm the night that veteran serial killer Butch Harlow raped and killed her friend. Now, she must logically seek out this man and perform serial killings herself to be fulfilled. She concocts this shaky plan to blackmail Harlow into 'teaching' her the art of serial homicide and keeping a step ahead of the cops."
Bloodstained Romance (2009)
"He tortures the boyfriend by drilling a power tool into his knees. He ties Sadie to her bed, and we see flashbacks to an adult movie about bondage that we were shown earlier. It is cool and unprecedented the extent of Holden’s insanity, but the execution of these ideas was for the most part, poor."
"Jim Royce inherits the house (with violent history of unexplained deaths) and decides to open it as a boardinghouse for hot girls to keep him company while he practices his meditation and telekinetic abilities. In no time at all, beautiful girls fill the house, more than happy to live with the creepy and sleazy-looking Jim. And then weird things start to happen."
Boston Strangler, The (1968)
"A mad man, played surprisingly well by Tony Curtis, is on the loose strangling women. Possessing a split personality, De Salvo manages to trick his way into the apartments of unsuspecting women, strangles them violently, then leaves and goes about his day as if nothing happened."
Brotherhood of Satan, The (1971)
"It turns out a coven of old people satanists have set up shop in town, and are stealing children for a dastardly purpose. I was
riveted from beginning to end, trying to figure out what was going on, and how it would all come to an end. This film was surprisingly good."
Burning, The (1981)
"Cropsy wakes up and in shock knocks over the skull setting himself and the old shack on fire. The kids finish him off by setting him on fire…again! Poor guy. If hiding in the forest for five years (away from society) for no apparent reason but bloody vengeance wasn’t enough ,then getting set on fire (for the second time) was the icing on the cake."
Cannibal Campout (1988)
"My conception on the limits of gore in films was raped hard, until I loved it. During one scene I slid across the floor to the TV and praised the images on the
screen like a pagan idol. The final act of violence is so horrendous you might feel guilty and dirty for watching it. But that has worn off on me."
Car, The (1977)
"A mysterious black car shows up and starts making some dust. The problems start when that dust settles and dead bodies are left in its wake. That night, the car gets his revenge on Lauren, who taunted the car, by...are you ready for it?....DRIVING THROUGH HER FUCKING HOUSE AND RUNNING HER OVER!"
Cellar Dweller (1988)
"Jeffrey Combs is a cartoonist that unleashes a demon through his drawings, which leads to his fiery demise as well as the demon's (or so we think). I'd have to say the Dweller ranks right up there on my top ten favorite monsters list."
Cheerleader Camp (1988)
"Welcome to Camp Hurrah where lame, hollow, stereotypical characters wind up in goofy situations, talk nonsense and are killed in rather boring fashion... the fat dude and the other man-cheer-leader give us a somewhat lengthy rap introduction to cheer up the squad."
Children of the Corn (1984)
"All the town’s adults were murdered by the children. They were following the commands of a boy cult leader named Isaac. He claimed to have direct contact with the demon residing in the corn fields known as 'He who walks behind the rows'"
Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992)
"A man has a FATAL nose bleed while at church. Micah was using a voodoo doll and jabbing a knife into the thing's nose. The best death is probably when an old lady is cruising in her electric wheelchair when she gets hit by a bus and thrown into a shop window. Micah somehow had a remote control for the wheelchair???"
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)
"They face off as Eli shoots fire balls from his sickle (the weapon of choice for the HWWBTR cult) and Joshua uses the bible to deflect the blasts. Just as you think the whole thing is over, a huge, indescribably formed creature rises up from the cornfield and begins to slaughter all the kids."
Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996)
"This is kind of like Halloween 3, but with more connection to the rest of the series than that movie does. Sure there's children and corn and a powerful demon kid who controls them, but it's just not the same."
Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)
"This is kind of like Halloween 3, but with more connection to the rest of the series than that movie does. Sure there's children and corn and a powerful demon
kid who controls them, but it's just not the same."
Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999)
"The 6th (or should I say 666th) installment wants to be a direct sequel to the original film by resurrecting the creepy Isaac. Within the first five minutes this movie manages to pack in as many inconsistencies and what-the-fuck moments as other shitty movies have in their entire running time."
Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)
"For a series with such uneven installments that always seem to disregard the timeline or the events of the previous films, it's sad, but probably expected that it should have gone out on a sour note."
Chilling, The (1989)
"The worst thing about the whole thing is how cheap the zombies look. From faraway they look great, but when they get closer you realize that their eye sockets are frozen and its just a bunch of kids in creased, low-rent rubber masks from the Halloween store. The sound effects sound like a guy slurping near the microphone!"
"Eight teens are trapped inside a shopping mall where three robots chase them around trying to kill them. They are built like four foot midget tanks with flat heads, extending arms and equipped with sleep darts, stun guns and 80s red and blue lasers."
Christmas Evil (1980)
"During his mad excursion he drops by a hospital to unload more gifts and then kills some people outside a church with a hand axe. Then he crashes a party, gives out more gifts to kids and dances for awhile. I can’t explain how creepy Harry can get, it’s as if he was drunk on madness and managed to keep himself from killing even more people, for the sake of the children."
"There has been some dumping of toxic waste into the sewers of New York city and the homeless population that seek shelter underground are mutating into monsters with cool, glowing yellow eyes."
Claw of Terror (1973)
"Matthew is not comfortable with men touching women. He finds a saucy milf redhead named Vera who in her own words describes herself as 'an amateur painter who turns tricks to pay the rent.' Matthew likes this woman but not her tricks!"
Clawed: The Legend of Sasquatch (2005)
"If it’s about Bigfoot, it‘s gotta be bad, right? Considering we can’t even get any good proof they exist, the movies can’t be good either? Right? Well you know
this might surprise you."
Colony Mutation (1995)
"Fugly scientist Meredith starts to suspect that her fugly husband Jim is cheating on her. She grabs a bottle of conveniently opened and untested experiment juice and throws it in his face. This deceptively clear liquid starts to quickly mutate him and soon his appendages are dropping off painlessly and mutating into squid-like monsters that crave human meat."
Color Me Blood Red (1965)
"Soon enough Sorg discovers that he likes to paint with blood instead of red paint. And wouldn't you believe it, that the work he does in blood wins him great acclaim. We are tortured by scenes of playful, innocent 60’s teen frolic complete with marshmallow and weenie roast."
Corn Stalker, The (2002)
"The Corn Stalker is about a big fat guy who wears a pillow case on his head and kills people...in a corn field. He now spends his days stalking the corn for androgynous fat girls that wander aimlessly through the corn looking for camping sites. Then we meet the dead girl's brother, an ex-bounty hunter named Hank, who dresses like Snake Plissken, but looks like his redneck cousin."
Cowboy Killer (2008)
"This is a film about a middle-aged serial killer cowboy who walks around spewing western clichés like it’s nobody’s business. He engages in thoughtful conversation with most of his deceased victims, carrying on some psychotic fantasy where he is the hero. Nobody seems to understand or like him but that’s ok because he’s going to shoot you regardless."
Crash and Burn (1990)
"Arren posits that there is a Synthoid (cyborg human thing) among them, sent from Unicom with orders to exterminate with extreme prejudice. Synthoids were programmed to be incapable of killing humans, but according to Arren 'any Synthoid can kill you if you override its program with the crash and burn virus.'"
"If you come in expecting a sci-fi masterpiece to rival Alien, you won't find it. But if you are bored on a rainy saturday afternoon and catch this flick on TV, then grab yourself some popcorn and a soda, my friend, because you will actually have a pretty fun time. It ain't classic sci-fi, but it's classic b-movie fluff in all its
Creeping Terror, The (1964)
"A strange creature that looks like a moving carpet exits the spaceship and heads out to feast on dumb people. When they (military outfit) finally encounter the monster they shoot at it causing no harm apparently. Then they just stand there as the rug monster knocks them all down and sucks them up."
Creepshow III (2006)
"The anthology contains five creepy, goofy stories, woven together through recurring characters and locations. It’s not quite like it’s predecessors, it’s cheaply put together, and it often makes little sense; but gosh-darn-it it’s a lot of fun."
"Just when you thought it was safe to live in a small, Midwestern town, in come those prickly little buggers, The Critters! Also, they can form into these balls and roll around at high speeds! Careful, 'they eat so fast, you don't have time to scream!'"
Crypt of Dark Secrets (1976)
"After dancing naked in front of his prone, half-dead body, shaking all that God gave her and giving us more than an eyeful, she brings him back to life and tells him that she is a snake goddess (or something) and that he has been destined to be her mate."
Curse, The (1987)
"The script is weak, and fails to deliver the town full of zombie people we were expecting and just relegates the 'action' to a small farm house. The effects
were nice though. There were some excellent splat-tastic images, but beyond that we get a half-baked story with no room to spread out."
Curse II: The Bite (1989)
"It is revealed that bite on his hand has mutated his hand into a snake. Did you know that snakes can scream when they are being hit by a guitar? Did you also know that when you mutate into a snake you become quite the jerk?"
"Actress Samantha Sherwood really wants the lead in the new Jonathan Stryker movie, so she commits herself to a mental hospital to prepare for the demanding role. Add a creepy doll that shows up in random places and a killer wearing an old lady mask and you've got Curtains."
Dahmer vs. Gacy (2011)
"A military base is busy cloning the worst of the worst serial killers. But something happens off screen and Dahmer and Gacy manage to escape the compound. Then we get introduced to a hillbilly who gets messages from God through his radio to go and kill Dahmer and Gacy."
Day the Earth Stopped, The (2008)
"It turns out that the robots (or G.O.R.T.S., I shit you not) are there to destroy the earth unless mankind can prove to the naked aliens (soon clothed) the value
of human life. So Josh, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and sporting a boner for the hot alien girl named Sky, decides to break her out of prison and travel around a deserted downtown LA trying to show her the value of human life."
Dead and the Damned, The (2010)
"Mortimer is a bounty hunter on the trail of an Indian who’s wanted for raping and murdering a white woman. Green mist and smoke envelope the small population and turn them into carnivorous mutants, which is a pretty close thing to zombies, right?"
Dead Walk, The (2008)
"When the zombie attacks intensify, and the distracting hard rock soundtrack begins blaring, Megan and her group of friends, as well as grouchy car crash victim Greg, seek refuge in the radio station. Tension and panic rises as Sheldon and one of the teens turn zombie, and are killed off by weapons with some terrible sound effects."
Deadly Friend (1986)
"In this most spectacular and goofy scene she (cyborg Samantha, played by Kristy Swanson) breaks into Parker’s house and forcefully chucks the basketball at the lady’s head, causing it to explode in a blood burst splattering the walls and everything else."
Deadly Spawn, The (1983)
"Their aunt is hosting a luncheon and the old ladies get attacked by a gaggle of the alien worms. If you've never seen old ladies flail around as alien sperm bite their ankles and faces, then do yourself a favor and watch this movie! I am not kidding when I say this is the reddest and wettest alien movie I have ever seen."
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
"The bed is kind of immortal now and is cursed with an insatiable appetite. Through the years many young and old lovers, and people who just wanted to take a nap become bed fodder. When something it likes is placed on it, bubbly foam rises up and the item drops and is consumed into an acid stomach."
Demonic Toys (1992)
"We have a motorized robot that shoots lasers, a foul-mouthed baby doll, a snake-like jack in the box clown, and a teddy bear with sharp teeth. In the 1920s a demon child was born but did not survive. Now he wants to possess Judith's child and be born tonight(!) - destroying the unborn child’s soul and inhabiting the body himself."
Demons of Ludlow, The (1983)
"A young couple is killed by a glowing demon hand (the only proper demon in the film, too!!!), a retarded teen who plays with dolls is stripped naked and mobbed by a family of pirates that were having dinner in her house (not kidding), and a woman in bed has a visit from a poltergeist."
"What do you get when you mix a wacky, fun horror movie plot with tons of great nudity, tons of fun gore gags, tons of monster action, Michelle Bauer, alien demons, explosions, shower scenes and nary a drop of boredom? Well, my splatter-hungry friends, you get a golden coffin winner. Apparently, Bigfoot is smart, can defuse bombs and likes technology."
Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell (1978)
"The dog realizes Maria is the stereotypically religious Spanish lady, so he causes her to catch fire and watches her burn to death. No one suspects the dog. Why would they? As far as demon dog movies go however, this is pretty tame stuff, but it's great Saturday night fun and who says you need gore when you have Kim Richards!"
Devil Times Five (1974)
"Let's face it, psycho kids are scarier than some grown up retard in a mask. This little known picture about such a subject is one of the best cinematic examples of such a situation. Plus, there's a great seducing-the-retard scene that leads to some heavy rabbit feeding (watch the movie to see what I mean) and some nice boobage."
Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010)
"Drake realizes that the problem is a lot bigger than he imagined and decides to call in The Cajun. The Cajun is one of the biggest and best croc and gator hunters in the world, but even though he is called The Cajun, he speaks with a very plain American accent. We finally get DC and SG to verse each other ('Crocodiles and Alligators are sworn enemies')...during the last five minutes of movie!!"
Don't Go in the Woods (1981)
"The plot is as simple as can be. Four dumbass campers, two guys and two girls, go into the woods (which we already know by the title is a bad idea) and get hunted and killed by a reject from The Hills Have Eyes."
Don't Go Near the Park (1981)
"12,000 years ago two cavemen are cursed to live forever by some ridiculous-looking old lady for some reason and the only way to release them from the curse is to have a kid, keep her a virgin, and then sacrifice her to evil so they can achieve eternal life...which is what they have already, so it really is completely redundant."
Dorm That Dripped Blood, The (1982)
"Joanne and four other college kids have volunteered to clear out an old dorm before it is demolished, so they are stuck there for the next couple of weeks...with a killer on the loose! The janitor is drilled in the brain pan and Patti is choked by the killer and dumped into what I assume is a giant, industrial-sized vat of soup."
Double Exposure (1983)
"Adrian Wilde is an offbeat sleaze photographer who is going insane. This guy probably doesn’t make much money, considering he lives in an RV he parks at isolated areas, yet he drives a Porsche! He’s been having nightmares in which he murders his models. Soon after, they turn up dead. Is Adrian capable of murder?"
"This multi-colored, psychedelic, comic book version of Dracula was not sweet to the taste. Then he implies a pretentious poetic wave with the whole love story nonsense. Towards the end the film tried to portray Dracula’s human nature but it was much too late."
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)
"Frankie falls for the too-tanned blonde with the pointy boobies, and doesn't like the idea of Drac getting physical with his new lady love. So when Drac tries to go for Judith, Frankie stands in the way and these two titans get to finally fight it out."
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
"What I will say is that the last twenty minutes packs in a late night visit to a graveyard, flying guys, evil handkerchiefs, possessed goats, a wicked mud bath,
and a fucking fantastic EC comics-style twist. This has everything we could have hoped for from Raimi and more."
Driller Killer, The (1979)
"These characters feel so real that it makes you want to step back from the television cause you could almost smell their un-bathed stench and drown in their life of hopelessness. Reno has no money for food, drugs or psychiatric help, and on top of that one of his women is thinking of leaving him."
Dungeon of Harrow, The (1962)
"The Count married a woman with leprosy and was thus exiled to the island. The Countess is locked away because she went mad and her health declined. The young girl being tortured in the dungeon is Ann. We don’t know how she got here but we know that pirates raped her, cut her tongue out and disfigured her. Why does the Count torture her? Your guess is as good as mine."
Empire of the Ants (1977)
"We quickly find out that the ants have not only invaded the town but managed to turn the folks here into mindless drones. This, of course, is the movie's master stroke, separating it from other giant insect movies by making the creatures not just hungry, but smart and planning world domination as well!"
Evil, The (1978)
"A guy using a power saw on a door, cuts through his fingers by mistake. Remember that crazy dog? Well he comes out of the shadows to bite a girl’s throat and drop her down the stairs. An evil force pulls the clothes off a black girl, leaving her frightened. C.J. now knows this is serious business."
Evil Spawn (1987)
"Dr. Avery's plan is to wait for Zeitman to die of old age then kill the fat scientist that works with her by letting a mutant rat that comes out of nowhere eat his face and turn him into a zombie that gets run over by a car, and then she plans to give the drug over to aging movie star Lynn Roman because she is sexually obsessed with the has-been actress and wants to either see her regain her glory or melt away and die."
Faces of Death (1980)
"When I was in my elementary school days and VHS was king, Faces of Death was the ultimate scandalous treasure to young curious minds. The infamous monkey meal scene is shown intact and it’s real as far as I know. The varied work on decomposing corpses in the med school is pure disgust and horror."
"I love this movie! I simply love it. There is a ton of blood and puss and guts and monster semen galore, making this one of the most splatterific movies on this website. The writing is sharp, the direction is spot on, and the actors are great."
Feast II: Sloppy Seconds (2008)
"This ragtag bunch of unlikable characters spend the entire film hiding out from the monsters, who you barely get a chance to see. They do however get their hands on a dead one and Greg decides to play Dr. Quinn and perform an autopsy. It certainly slowed the action down to focus on girls getting shit on and sprayed with monster cum."
Feast III: The Happy Finish (2009)
"How can a movie where the monster decapitates a girl, eats the head, then shits it out again be bad? How can a movie with a ton of blood and guts and violence be boring? How can a movie promise so much, then slap you in the face with a big old 'SCREW YOU!' at the end?"
"Two friends on a road trip stumble upon the dawn of an alien invasion. The feeders are small puppets with wobbly heads that make strange gurgling growls and move low to the ground. These little guys may look funny but they are vicious creatures!"
"A group of teenagers go on a hay-ride around a farming community and plan to spend Halloween night there, drinking beer, smoking weed, having sex, and getting killed out in the woods. We even get a good look at her pie. If you don’t know what a pie is, well you probably shouldn't be reading this."
G-string Horror, The (2012)
"Psychic/blogger Lady Zee, claims that one night she came home and found stripper clothes mysteriously in her apartment (!?), which in turn possessed her and made her strip naked and wear the hooker outfit, and then she goes to sleep and dreams she is in the strip joint and confronts a gypsy ghost that asks her to free the evil that is Baby Doll."
"A parade of gangly youngsters come and go (pun intended), most of which Gacy employees with manual labor projects around town. He has a torture basement with a dirty mattress, rough sex tools and one-bulb-lighting; all the requirements for a serial killer hangout. After sodomy he either kills the dude or keeps him for further pleasure encounters."
Galaxy Invader, The (1985)
"Did he accidentally crash land on earth? Or maybe he comes with sinister motives? In this movie there are no answers to those questions. The alien really has no agenda but to walk around and see what might happen. We don’t even get a look at his space ship!"
Ghoul School (1990)
"Anyway, there is plenty of gruesome stuff (even if on a budget), as students and teachers are torn limb from limb by the painted-blue zombies, and there's a fun axe-to-the-groin gag. You can tell it's a gore movie from gore fans, and they take the time to get the splatter elements just right on their budget."
"There is a killer loose in Italy and he is targeting beautiful women, because as Inspector Enzo Avolfi (played by Adrien Brody in a carefree, I-don't-want-to-be-in-this-movie way) says: 'he hates beautiful things'. This movie looks as if any number of nameless horror movie hacks with no sense of style or instinct for visceral storytelling could have directed it."
Girls on the Road (1972)
"Karen and Debbie graduate high school and decide to take a trip up the California coast for their summer vacation. Their plans are to shed their inhibitions and get themselves seriously laid. They pick up a hitchhiker, Will, and despite his charms, he is seriously messed up in the old brain pan."
"Tara (played by real life porn star Gabriela), a sex-fueled psychopath, relives the marital bliss, sadistic fornication, whatever you want to call it, by listening to an audio recording of her husband pleading for his life, while she whips the lifeless carcass with a rope."
Gothic Tale, A (2009)
"Ritter decides to mash the stories together into an incoherent stew and goes even further by telling us the tale out of sequence. After awhile, I had no idea what was happening and The Stranger's demands stopped making any sense...hell EVERYONE NEVER MAKES ANY SENSE! I never once understood why anyone did anything."
Grindhouse Shorts (2011)
"They manage to steal the cash but after a heavy dose of lesbian sex in what appears to be a dilapidated porn studio, they get upset with each other and fight over the money. I doubt there was even a script written for any of these shorts. This feels like Suicide Girls promotional material."
"Meanwhile, the grizzly targets a ranger by toppling a watchtower on him, and severely mutilates a little boy by ripping his leg off with fantastically gory results.
In the end, they finally confront the bear and the ridiculously explosive conclusion is hard to believe, but satisfying no less."
Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
"The movie I am about to discuss is memorable for two things. One is the shish-kabob through the mouth (just like in the poster) and the ridiculous double-twist ending that throws the film into the realm of preposterousness. This is a beloved slasher film, so I was more surprised than anyone that upon revisiting the material I was so turned off by it."
Haunting, The (1963)
"If Hitchcock were to make a ghost picture, this would be it, but it would have been much more spooky and with more real tension. The
few spooky scenes leave much to be desired. After so much build up the end is incredibly poor."
Haunting of Whaley House, The (2012)
"There is a fantastic and terrible demonic presence dwelling in the attic that can best be described as a tortured sludge demon. The tangible evil is really disturbing - no reasoning or proper observances - the Whaley ghosts HATE US AND WANT US TO DIE! The infernal house grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go until you’re in hell."
Hazing, The (1977)
"Rod and Phil instruct Craig and Barney to strip naked and put on a jock strap. Sure it was light, and moderately suspenseful, but it was a good time, and sports one hell of a kick in the balls at the end (kind of like prison)!"
Headless Eyes, The (1971)
"During one of his nightly raids he gets his eyeball gouged out by the lady of the house he is burgling. He crawls down the fire escape with the eyeball hanging out of the socket and yells 'MY EYE!' a thousand annoying times. He is driven to gouge the eyes out of beautiful Manhattanite women."
Hell Night (1981)
"A group of pledges are sent to spend one night in the abandoned Garth Manor, a sprawling mansion whose owners bore retarded, mutated babies. They all died by the hand of the patriarch, who was so sickened with his family that he killed them all and then popped his own head off. However, legend has it that Andrew, the youngest Garth, was left alive. He IS a freak, and he IS hungry...but for killing and maiming."
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
"Joey is chased down a few city blocks by some new Cenobites, most notable are CD HEAD and CAMERA FACE. They don't do much but blow some stuff up and kill a few random pedestrians and cops, and surround our heroine. She quickly tries to figure out the puzzle, but it falls out of her hands and figures itself out (!?). Blue lasers shoot out and kill the cenobites."
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
"The film portrays real life serial killers Henry Lee Lucas, and Otis Toole during their violent murder spree on the streets of Chicago. Each character is interesting and complex although the film is fairly simple. Michael Rooker’s performance is outstanding and John McNaughton’s directing is powerful."
Home Sick (2007)
"In 2006 Adam Wingard directed this fast-paced, mean as hell, star-driven indie hack-and-slash called Home Sick. The final act is a balls-to-the-wall insanity fest, as they turn to a chili-obsessed militia man (played by Tom Towels, HENRY : Portrait of a Serial Killer) to help them battle the evil that has set out to destroy them."
Horror of the Humongous Hungry Hungan (1991)
"Harry is the dude who bought the serum and is using it to make old-man looking zombies, which in actuality is a dude in a crap Halloween mask with crap rubber monster gloves. So begins a series of killings by the Hungan, which is supposed to be a voodoo priest according to the narration, but is now a flannel-wearing jackass."
Horror Show, The (1989)
"Lucas is a detective who has just caught the worlds most psycho, psycho killer Max Jenke. Comes the electrocution and Lucas is there to bid the evil bastard adieu, however it takes two tries from the chair to juice the bastard, and not before he utters a promise to come back and get even with Lucas."
"All the war flashbacks don’t mesh with the haunted house story at all. I wanted a straight-forward haunted house with monsters tale, just as I remembered it. Not this crap. When the strange monsters do appear it’s totally ridiculous because the comedy / horror relationship is poorly done."
House III (1989)
[See Horror Show, The (1989)]
Humanoids from the Deep (1980)
"One dude gets half his face scratched off by the monster’s claw, and another has his back shredded wide open. The women usually run away only to be tackled by the beasts and humped hard in the sand, with exposed breasts of course!"
I Am Legend (2007)
"Smith plays Robert Neville, a military virologist who is apparently the only person immune to a virus that began as a cure for cancer and ended up destroying the world. The wild animals are CGI, the mutants are CGI, the city has to be CGI so I won't fault them on that, but man they sure love their CGI."
I Spit on Your Grave (1978)
"There they chase her down some more, rip her bikini off and one of the guys rapes her in the grass. The last guy tries to beg for mercy, but Jennifer says 'Suck it, bitch' and revs the motor on his abdomen, ending his raping days for good."
Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976)
"...the pulse-enriching nadir of the film comes as a 'syphilitic beggar' (Buck Flower) is allowed to 'torture' Ilsa, who has been stripped naked and had her wrists and ankles tethered to upright posts. As for other dank pleasures, did I mention that Ilsa has devised a vaginal diaphragm device that, once inserted deeply, explodes during vigorous (and I do mean vigorous) sexual activity? Well, she did; and uses it twice in the film."
Incredible 2-Headed Transplant, The (1971)
"They sedate Danny and perform the operation. Soon the two heads awaken, and instead of either of them being freaked out or worried or at the very least angry, they just accept their situation. They kill a pair of necking teenagers and get into a rumble with a pair of bikers who messed with the wrong two-headed retarded convict."
Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?, The (1964)
"At the beginning of the film we are introduced to a gypsy fortune teller, Madame Estrella, who keeps a basement full of hideously deformed men. The dancing and the atrocious, unnecessary singing interludes are the number one worst thing about the movie, followed by Harold's accent."
"From the start, these offbeat douche bags (the cast) garner my most sincere hatred. The flies enter her mouth, infecting her body and transforming her into some sort of zombie. With the insects in full control of the host she goes after her friends to either infect them or violently kill them. I prefer the latter."
Innocents, The (1961)
"The kids, Miles and Flora, have been possessed by the ghosts of the departed gardener and their former nanny. SAY WHAT? How she came to this conclusion, I have no idea, but now she has vowed to force the spirits out of the kids and save their young souls. The children straddle the delicate line between sweet and creepy."
Isle of the Damned (2008)
"There were plenty of gratuitous gore and blood splatter and that was wondrous. My favorite has to be the cutting off of the penis. This was done extremely well. Also the scene where Kincaid’s avarice for the gold leads him to crush a baby’s skull with his boot was fantastic."
It's Alive (1974)
"It feels like a freaky television movie of the week. You never see the baby killing anyone, instead there’s a lot of him in attack mode. You truly felt as spooked
out as those parents having just given birth to a monster. So just come into this movie for a good horror drama instead of a monster massacre and you’ll be all right."
It's Alive 2: It Lives Again (1978)
"There they have scientists from the group carefully studying the babies. Yes they have two other freak babies in that place. The doctor in that place underestimates the babies’ thirst for blood and gets killed while letting one loose. They eventually all get loose in the complex."
J.D.'s Revenge (1976)
"JD Walker, a hardass pimp, walks in on his sister being slaughtered and is subsequently blamed and killed for the murder. The film hops back and forth between Ike's life falling apart and his possessions by JD, which lead to a new hairstyle and a brand new method in dealing with his woman."
Jan-Gel, The Beast from The East (1999)
"Jan-Gel, who was the king of his tribe of hairy, beer-bellied cavemen, is on the loose in the wilds of West Virginia. Jan-Gel spends his time attacking old people in a pool, rooting around in the garbage for food, and stalking people at a monster convention."
Jan-Gel 2: The Beast Returns (2001)
"Jan-Gel now works for a Gypsy fortune teller named Mitzy, as her bodyguard. She masterminds a series of video store robberies (yes, you read that right) with two other goofy dudes. One of the dudes apparently 'nursed Jan-Gel back to health after the gunshots he received in West Virginia' at the end of the original film."
Jan-Gel 3: Hillbilly Monster (2003)
"We find the son of Jan-Gel, a long-haired goth kid, walking with a hunch to hide his monkey face from the audience. We spend an interminable period with him as he wanders through a cemetery, gets caught in a bear trap, and FALLS ASLEEP! He is found by Jason, the assistant to a super-fat dude named Dr. Love, who runs the local sanitarium (out of his damn house)."
Junkfood Horrorfest (2007)
"Six twisted, blood-soaked tales of morbid quality. Our host is a backwoods zombie called Scarlet Fry. In 'Griptape Spank' three skaters get money to buy weed in a bizarre way, which involves spanking a transvestite with the flat side of a skateboard."
Killer Nerd (1991)
"There’s plenty of testosterone deep down inside Harold, a potent mountain lion just waiting to pounce on a piece of ass. The problem is that he’s clueless, and that’s where the self-help tapes (Slick Dick’s School of Cool package) come into play."
Landlord, The (2009)
"First time writer/director Emil Hyde brings us a horror-comedy about a landlord who must provide meals (in the form of tenants) to a pair of flesh-eating demons. The rent is cheap but your lucky if you last a week. The two demons are moronic and non threatening."
Last House on Dead End Street, The (1977)
"The characters aren't likable, in fact if you're like me, you'll hate every single one of them, so you don't really mind seeing any of them die. That being said, one thing this movie does have going for it is shock value. The final scenes are a blood bath, and are actually done pretty convincingly, considering how little money was probably spent on it."
"He then steals a toy car, just his size, and drives it on the street. He gets pulled over by a cop and kills him. But not before playing the most unbearably annoying game of hide and go seek. But alas, have we forgotten that the leprechaun is greedy and one last coin rests in the belly of Ozzy. What you think and I hoped would happen doesn’t (the leprechaun carving the fat retards stomach with his dirty nails in search of the coin.)"
Leprechaun 2 (1994)
"This time we find out that his birthday is on St. Patrick’s day (I could have never guessed) and that on every thousand birthday he is able to seek out a bride.
Morty, self proclaimed drinking master, challenges the Leprechaun to a drinking contest at a bar. At first he declines but when the pressure is on and a group of midgets start cheering for him saying, 'One of us...' he starts chugging bottle after bottle."
Leprechaun 3 (1995)
"In this one the setting is Las Vegas and with it’s flashing lights and colorful characters your carried through the mess relatively unharmed...relatively. The
Leprechaun is hiding in the room and makes an unattractive topless blonde who comes out of a television set seduce him. Now if that wasn‘t weird enough the blonde girl turns into a metal robot and electrocutes the horny bastard."
Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)
"A dim-wit marine pees on the remains of the Leprechaun and by magic the Leprechaun enters up through his urine stream into his urethra, later to be released when he has a painful erection back on the ship and gives 'male birth' to the green midget."
Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)
"Mack Daddy had previously stolen the Leprechaun’s gold, including a nifty magic flute, which is the key to his music success. You simply blow on it, and people dig your rap music. I know, the whole thing sounds (pun intended) retarded."
Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)
"You can pretty much guess that our mischievous little green man will use his magic tricks to get his gold back and kill folks. We see him laid back, smoking bud from a bong at a house party. But when he senses his stolen gold is near he becomes murderous."
Long Island Cannibal Massacre, The (1980)
"This is extremely low budget stuff with no real actors and unpolished gritty footage. So Jack hires Bruce, a man that always wears a pillowcase and swimming goggles over his head and Zed, a young biker, to kill victims for the hungry lepers."
"Madman Marz was a local farmer who went nuts and hacked up his family with an axe one night, then went to a bar to have a beer. When the townspeople found out what he had done, they formed an old-fashioned lynch mob and strung him up by his neck. They came to visit the hanging corpse in the morning, but found him gone."
Maniac Cop (1988)
"New York city is panic stricken with a homicidal maniac dressed like a police officer prowling the streets at night. Three innocent people are violently killed and the police department is taking the heat. How do you stop a walking corpse? How can you kill a maniac cop who is already dead?"
Maniac Cop 2 (1990)
"There are so many fantastic kills, stripper boobs and car explosions to follow that it’s ridiculous fun. Jack is gruesomely skewered on Cordell’s now trademark bladed-end baton weapon. Teresa gets her neck snapped like a chicken. I love this fucker! He’s an indiscriminate killing machine; a bullet-proof zombie beast. Like a plague he brings death wherever he trods!"
"Martin is not your typical vampire, in fact this young man is not a 'real' undead creature with fangs and mesmerizing powers. He is a mentally ill man that has been brainwashed by his fanatic family into believing he is Nosferatu."
Masque of the Red Death, The (1964)
"Vincent Price plays Prince Prospero, the vicious and selfish ruler of a small fiefdom. His people die of starvation while he and his friends delight in excess and the pleasures of the flesh. Prospero and his wife Juliana are also devil worshipers, which plays a big part in the story, when a red-hooded stranger shows up in the village and brings the red death."
"This 1983 possession-by-demon classic is slow, plotless, and drags like a lame dog, but there are some great boobies in it from former Playboy bunny Bobbie Bresee. The film does get my respect for proudly displaying a pair of rabid, snarling demon boobs; John Carl Buechler works his effects magic indeed."
Messiah of Evil (1973)
"We soon find out that the town is under some kind of curse because a man in a black hat walked into town one day and did some crazy shit, then cursed the town and promised that whenever the moon would turn blood red he would return. I think the film suffers terrible from a lack of energy. For most of the film the characters sit around with nothing to do."
Microwave Massacre (1983)
"Donald then beats and chokes his wife to death. He chops up her body and keeps it in the freezer. He then cooks pieces of it in the microwave and takes wife meat for lunch. Of course the two retard friends like the taste and they regularly eat his wife until Donald must look for more victims."
"The crazy family is killing people off. They capture girls in bear traps and smack them on the head till dead; they slice up friendly black priests who can't act; they drown a girl by running a faucet over her face. And boy does this make the lead crazy guy, a giant fat farmer dude named Cyrus, laugh. Killing people cracks him up, like he's watching a good Abbott and Costello movie!"
Midnight Hour, The (1985)
"This movie has it all, young love, lost love, vampires, werewolves, zombies, Halloween, cemeteries, and it's even a musical at one point! ... essentially a
perfect Halloween tale."
Midnight Meat Train, The (2008)
"Leon is an up-and-coming photographer who unknowingly stumbles upon a series of heinously violent murders happening on the late night subway train to nowhere. He begins to suspect that a tall, silent weirdo (played with stoic charm by Vinny Jones) is responsible for the murder as well as many others. Leon catches the man in the act of smashing people's skulls in with his stainless steel hammer."
Mirrors 2 (2010)
"The last guard went psycho, chewed up glass, and nearly died on the job, so Max knows something isn't right in the eerie, cavernous store...and that would be the vengeful ghost of Eleanor who goes about following the employees of the store home and killing them through their mirrors."
Molly and the Ghost (1991)
"This is the worst ghost movie ever! It runs like a Lifetime movie of the week with a ghost theme. It has that soap opera feel and ultra cheap ghost effects. I hated this movie. I don’t understand how your sweet 17yr old sister can show up at your house one day and seduce your husband and steal your money and jewels by nightfall."
Mommy's Epitaph (1987)
"That night Amy is attacked by what appears to be the bloody ghost of the dead painter and she screams for help. It is revealed subtly that the whole family knows that mom is a killer and the dead painter is common knowledge."
Monster of Phantom Lake, The (2006)
"Two hillbilly guys start dumping toxic waste into the local lake and a hermit falls into the lake and slowly becomes the title character. About an hour into the picture we finally get the algae monster to rise from the lake and go on a killing spree...which unfortunately usually happens off camera."
"We have an escaped serial killer named Jack Schmidt, then we have a mad scientist, Dr. Stern, who is working on evil experiments with bacteria. And finally there is the sewer, which will become the birthplace and dwelling of this fowl smelling creature. If you’re versed in b-flick knowledge all you have to do is fill in the blanks and bam, you’ve got yourself a cheesy monster."
Moon of the Wolf (1972)
"One review of the film mentioned it being In the Heat of the Night meets The X-Files. Can you imagine Sidney Poitier tracking down a werewolf? The filmmakers thought: Quick, we have to explain all this shit to our audience. In the last ten minutes Louise has to be well informed on how lycanthropy works and how to kill her brother."
Mother's Day (1980)
"Essentially, this film is a rip-off (homage) to Texas Chainsaw Massacre. After bonding in classic chick-flick fashion, the girls are kidnapped by the boys and are summarily tied up, tied down, and made to entertain mother."
Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1986)
"The film begins when crazy Evelyn, just released from a mental hospital, kills her daughter by accidentally flinging her sickle around in anger when she stumbles upon her daughter's underground animal farm and creepy altar to her late father. The voice of Evelyn's daughter pipes in again and instructs her mom to kill them all."
"Director John ’Bud’ Cardos (Kingdom of the Spiders) drops us off at a small southern town where danger looms once the sun goes down. The ghoul has open wounds on the palms of his hands which ooze a toxic yellow goo. These mutant zombies kill using the leech like orifices on their hands."
Mutilator, The (1985)
"The killer has enough of the guy and stabs him in the throat with a pitchfork. Well played, sir, well played. Then that doofus' girlfriend goes looking for him and she is killed in the most spectacular way. The killer drives a large fishing hook through her crotch and out through her stomach!!!"
Name of the Game Is Kill, The (1968)
"Jack Lord plays a Hungarian refugee drifting through the US in search of a place to set down roots. He meets a gorgeous brunette named Mickey and she gives him a lift to the service station that she runs with her mother and two other sisters. I was disappointed that it wasn't grittier. But regardless, this is a good
Night of the Creeps (1986)
"By a weird twist of fate, they come across the preserved body of the boy who swallowed the slugs, and free him. Now unfrozen, the boy is your basic zombie, only with an alien slug in his brain. He terrorizes some girls and then his head explodes and dozens of little slugs wriggle off to begin the takeover of earth."
Night of the Demon (1980)
"In another scene, the most memorable one yet, a biker pulls off into the woods to take a leak. While he's peeing, bigfoot shows up and rips his dick off with its big, furry paws. The biker then stumbles around, holding his graphically severed and bleeding penis. He manages to reach his motorcycle and spray some dick blood on it before collapsing dead."
Night of the Demons (1988)
"Angela (Amelia Kinkade) is throwing a Halloween party at the broken-down Hull House. She knows the place is possessed by demons and rests on a cemetery but this only makes things more exciting. If your having a Halloween party and are one movie short I recommend you find this flick."
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
"In the first ten minutes we have ourselves a zombie attack and a frantic woman running for shelter. If Harry was as strong as Ben these two brutes would have had a hell of a battle while the zombies watched outside. In a brilliant scene Harry’s kid turns into a zombie and attacks him."
"George Tatum suffers from the following: schizophrenia, mild amnesia, homicidal tendencies, dream fixations, and seizures. He spends his nights cruising strip joints and watching girls shake their goods. George puts on an old man mask for some stupid reason and sneaks into a family house intent on a murderous bloodbath."
"The ‘tall man’ is from another dimension and he is recruiting our dead corpses and turning them into midget slaves to work for him in his dimension. And now everyone’s favorite: the flying polished steel orb that sucks blood from your head! "
Phantasm II (1988)
"The 'Tall Man' is back with an army of ugly midgets and half a dozen brain-sucking spheres. By the way there’s a sweet chainsaw battle where the villain gets the chainsaw to the balls. Ouch! It was messy and painful."
Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994)
"Tim, a ten year old, has spent his time booby-trapping his house and learning to defend himself, even using handguns... we find out that there is a miniature brain inside the spheres. Then we are slow to believe that Jody, who has apparently not been shrunk into a ghoul, exists inside a sphere and comes out to
help in visions of some kind?"
Phantasm IV: Oblivion (1998)
"Flashback after hallucination, after flashback... Please become familiar with this cycle for it pervades through the ENTIRE film. A bit later he (Mike) learns telekinesis; practicing by crushing midget minions with boulders. His brother shows up as a travel guide through different dimensions."
Pit and the Pendulum, The (1991)
"Lance Henriksen gnashes his teeth with aplomb through the role of Torquemada, the Grand Inquisitor in the town of Toledo, Spain. Here he is judge, jury, and executioner (although another guy actually does the executing) for the Catholic Church and he is in search of heretics and witches, which abound the land like rotted fruit hanging from the vine."
Pleasures of the Damned (2005)
"The primary members of The Children of Love are a biker gang who ride around in a car. The group initiate new members by raping them in the ass. They
are led by Charles Love whom encourages bisexual orgies, torture, and satanic rituals; sometimes all in one night!"
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)
"The story is about a fast food franchise (American Chicken Bunker) that builds a restaurant upon a sacred Indian burial ground. Everyone starts vomiting green and strange shit happens. Some people shit eggs and some become evil monster chickens and act like zombies trying to get into the restaurant that has been closed now."
Pretty Dead Things (2006)
"This 'erotic vampires' movie starts with a pizza boy delivering a hot pie (pizza, you pervs) to two hot pies (vaginas) who turn out to be vampires. They tie him up and EAT HIS DICK. He's been turned into a vampire and is now hunting the demon bitches that turned him. He dresses in a trench coat and tries to act badass, but still looks like D.J. Qualls on a bad day."
"During the restoration of the decrepit, rusted-out prison the warden decides to use the prisoners as labor and Burke is put to work uncovering the sealed off execution chamber. This turns out to be a very bad idea. They manage to unleash a trapped evil spirit."
Prowler, The (1981)
"Rosemary explains (in a letter) to her boyfriend (soon to become 'the prowler') that during his time away she’s fallen out of love. He’s not happy about her bullshit excuses so he stalks her at a school dance where she‘s with a new guy. The Prowler jams his pitchfork through them. Long distance relationships don’t always work out, sometimes you get stalked by a jealous psychopath and killed."
Psycho II (1983)
"Norman finds a note written by his mother telling him to kill! At home he gets phone calls from his mom. Are these things going on in his broken mind(?), is the spirit of mom rising up from the ashes again? People are being killed too! A mysterious, yet familiar figure dressed in an old lady dress has reappeared."
Psycho Holocaust (2009)
"Buddy brings out a bucket filled with Scotty’s entrails and force feeds Talina in a scene reminiscent of Cannibal Campout. Pillowface uses a strap-on hand saw to ass-fuck Mark to death. I have never heard of a hand saw strap-on. It was a fantastic scene!"
"When folks around here do something real bad like killing somebody, they may have other folks summon the demon of vengeance on their ass. He has to go to the pumpkin patch and exhume the corpse of Pumpkinhead to bring back to the witch. She mixes Ed’s blood with Billy’s and pours it on the corpse and bam, the creature comes to life."
"So puppets Blade, Tunneler, Leech Woman, Pinhead and the useless Jester go about stalking and killing the greedy psychics. We get to see everything from puppets punching women like they forgot to cook dinner, leeches being vomited out of doll mouths, and various stabs and slices into human (and otherwise) flesh."
Puppet Master II (1991)
"The puppets dig up the grave of their master, Andre Toulon, and use their re-animation serum on the zombified corpse to revive him. After sex, Carolyn decides to wander the hotel and stumbles onto Toulon's lair. He ties her to a chair and shows her two human-sized puppets, a man and a woman, which he has created for them to live in for all of eternity."
Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)
"It's basically an origin story from which all Puppet Master films originate. We get a back-story on all the puppets. They aren't just dolls, they were real people once! Friends that Toulon knew and wanted to keep alive, which is a pretty badass concept."
Quiet Nights of Blood and Pain (2009)
"Quiet Nights is a social commentary on how the U.S. government treats their veterans. This bald guy is the worst psychotic killer I have seen in a long time. He’s as threatening as Billy Corgan on a mood swing. The kills are so plastic and flavorless that it doesn’t even seem like your watching a horror film or a thriller."
Rape Squad (1974)
"They establish a 24-hour rape line, go to karate classes and bathe naked in a gym Jacuzzi. Oh, most of them feel no need to wear braziers and prefer open-chested, panty displaying short dresses. In one operation a potential rapist gets his apartment thrashed by the squad, tied to his bed and blue paint poured on his junk."
Redeemer: Son of Satan!, The (1978)
"The little boy appears in the room and gives the man an extra thumb on his right hand. That's right, folks, you read that right, an extra thumb! Thumbs-up kid meets the priest outside before boarding the bus, and we notice that the priest has 2 thumbs. Why does he need 2 thumbs? What does that even mean?"
Reincarnation of Peter Proud, The (1975)
"Peter's visions plague him so much that he decides to use his 'dreams' as a road map and try and track down the actual locations he saw so he can find out once and
for all if he is crazy or if maybe he's been reincarnated. Peter fucks his daughter in his reincarnated body which is unpleasant to say the least."
Roommates, The (1973)
"Mix a 70s bra-less girls having drunken fun at a summer camp movie with a slasher film; put the emphasis on the girls in various states of undress and their many MANY conquests and bury the psycho killer into the subplot and you get The Roommates."
Rosemary's Baby (1968)
"On a romantic night Guy, the loving husband gets his wife drunk and drugged so that Satan himself can mate with her. He had made a deal with the witches to swap his firstborn child for a successful career, hoping that Rosemary would understand this in the long run."
"We don’t get to see the actual kills which is annoying. But the film somehow makes up for the lack of onscreen violence by a fully nude shot of Michelle in the
shower. Then we find out that they rebuilt Michelle’s face from the wrong photos! Photos of a real, satanic teen girl!"
"If you haven't seen this film, please do so. It's a horror film, it's science fiction, and it is a compelling spy thriller all rolled into one! More science gone wrong fiction than pure horror, like almost all of his (Cronenberg) other films, this one plays almost exactly like James Bond with psychic powers."
Scanners II: The New Order (1991)
"Forrester is well aware of Scanners and plans on using them to institute a supposedly 'new order' in the world and rid it once and for all of crime. Dr. Morse is a special Scanner-doctor, helping them hone their talents. But his experiments have gone wrong and the drug that was supposed to control his subjects has now made them drug-addicts."
Scanners III: The Takeover (1992)
"This movie manages to deliver, two mainstays of 90s cinema: Karate and lasers. This is a true sequel because it manages to really use the Scanners power to its maximum potential, while delivering a plausible next chapter. She (Helena) becomes the head of her father's company by showing him her boobies then making him have a heart attack."
"Lester feels wronged and overlooked with a low self esteem because he lives in a cramped trailer with a whoring drunk of a mother that brings men to the house every other day. Reanimated as a scarecrow he flips and jumps around swinging and killing with Kama blade in each hand."
Scarecrow Slayer (2004)
"A couple of college kids arrive at the farm at night and as part of a sorority initiation they must steal the scarecrow in the field. The whole thing goes horribly
wrong when Caleb shoots one of the kids, David, for trespassing. David’s spirit is caught in the scarecrow and the movie continues to be lame and stupid."
"Monsters who have lost all reasoning are even scarier because of their unpredictability. This unpredictability, the bloody deaths, and the breathless pace make this a film to be studied. Ultimately, the film proves my point. Monkeys are scary, violent psychopaths. Don't fuck with monkeys!"
Sherlock Holmes (2010)
"The case involves a boat that is attacked and destroyed by a sea monster. Later, in the brothel ridden streets of White Chapel, a raptor is seen terrorizing the
folks there. What are all these outlandish monsters doing here in London, and could they possibly be real?"
Signal, The (2007)
"Almost immediately, people start bashing the hell out of each other. They stab, punch, shoot, and massacre the ones they love for no apparent reason except the unexplainable rage coursing through them. This was probably the goriest, most intense horror film I have seen in a long while."
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
"One Christmas eve, Billy, who is around 6 years old and his baby brother Ricky, who is 6 months old, watch as their parents are raped and killed by a drunken thief in a Santa Claus outfit. They end up in an orphanage where they see a nun have sex. Then Billy grows up into an awkward muscle-bound goon."
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)
"Hold your horses, Mr. 2, who said we needed a good actor? We’ll just get some third-string theater actor to overact the part and piss off everyone in the audience. He’ll be the embodiment of actors with stupid faces. Hiring the worst possible actor should be the order of the day."
Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out! (1989)
"The doctors have managed to save Ricky Caldwell's life by reconstructing his brain (funny, I didn't know being shot in the chest affected your brain) and replacing the top of his head with a glass dome, some purple juice, and some small do-dads with green lights in the back."
Silent Night, Deadly Night IV: Initiation (1990)
"The series that once was about a serial killer dressed like Santa becomes about lesbian witches that play with really large and slimy roaches. The funny thing is that this film is titled Bugs in the UK, which would make sense seeing as it really is about a cult of female-empowering giant bug worshipers."
Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)
"I don't know whether it was the heavy and retarded Pinocchio metaphors or the scene with the stupid rocket roller skates or the creepy pedophile stalker being Derek's dad or the overall impression of shoddiness that makes me sick."
Simon, King of the Witches (1971)
"This one, however, was written by a real warlock, and attempts to show a day in the life of an actual, practicing magician... who lives in a sewer (yes, a SEWER), and walks around LA looking for people to pay him for magic tricks. Basically, he's a magic hooker. After making the kid jerk off in a tin can to perform a spell that gains him the love of an old lady..."
"On occasion, Simon notices that certain people’s faces become distorted for brief periods of time as he looks through the camera view finder. He figures out that the people with the distorted faces die. So the camera is like a supernatural object that foretells someone’s imminent death."
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
"The vomit gore is indeed an exclusive treat. Angela and many of the other prostitutes are bulimic and eager to shove their hands down their throats. We get clear liquid, brown liquid and blood vomit. The brown puke was the best because it contained chunks! I counted over eight pukes. They are all intense and very messy."
"There is a horrific double murder and ten years later a group of college kids with booze and sex on the brain crash in the house where the murder happened. If you want to subject yourself to terrible filmmaking that can induce an altered state of mind then this is the film for you."
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
"A lot of the kids get pissed off at Angela because she doesn’t talk much. She just kind of stares at you like a pale faced zombie. Little by little Angela kills the kids that have wronged her and surprisingly develops a romance with her cousin’s friend Paul. People have been talking about the shocking ending for years!"
Slumber Party Massacre, The (1982)
"Trish decides to have a girls only slumber party with all the fixings. I’m talking ’bout pot, booze, and lewd conversation about boys. What teenage boy wouldn’t give their left nut to peep through the window and maybe catch a boob or an ass. And that’s just what happens in this movie! The drill kills are creative and bloody."
"Faced with a hideous, bloodthirsty POV monster, I mean Bigfoot, the group head out into the snow-covered wilderness to track down the beast and end it's reign of sort-of-terror. The problem is that Biggy is smart and he knows how to kick over logs to destroy their car, and various other stupid things, sandwiched in between long, fluffy scenes of more skiing and scenery."
Splatter Farm (1987)
"Jeremy, the farm hand, is hacking up a corpse in the shed. After chopping off an arm, he uses the hand on the limb to masturbate himself with. ...more crazy shit that Jeremy does, which includes killing a pony (off-screen), beheading a woodsman, and using the head for oral sex."
"Stanley is the story of a Vietnam vet named Tim who lives a hermit's life in a shack deep in the swamps. His only company is a shit load of snakes that he's caught and befriended. It turns out Gloria is biting the heads off of the snakes Tim brings, so he drops a hundred snakes on her and her husband's bed."
"The emperor sends out a team led by his son to seek and destroy the bad guys’ secret fortress which holds a destructive weapon. The Starcrash is described like this: It is a fourth dimensional attack where a floating city is piloted to crash into the bad guys’ headquarters."
Street Trash (1987)
"You may have all heard of the dick tossing scene and the cool Viper drink but you’re in for so much more. This one homeless that looks like a beat poet finds a drunken lady vomiting outside a restaurant and he takes her to the salvage yard for sex. Can you imagine what this dudes unwashed privates must have smelled like. It could have possibly sobered up the poor woman and made her come to her senses."
Student Bodies (1981)
"Ripped from out of hundreds of slasher movies, the plot is simple, a heavy-breathing killer is on the prowl, killing horny teens with terrible peripheral vision and bad judgment. If you can look past the dog meowing and farting in the first two minutes, then you'll be rewarded with some very clever and unique humor that injects some new life into slasher cinema."
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)
"SG are a special brand of porn that focuses on the softer side of punk chicks. Girls qualify if they're cute, have multiple tattoos and piercings, and want to show their goods. Some end up with nice wet t-shirts as they are chased around by what appear to be a group of grass monsters. But in all actuality turns out to be something truly retarded."
Swamp Devil (2008)
"Howard and four other men trapped the killer in the swamps and forced a confession out of him. The details were so disturbing that the men killed the guy and buried him in the swamp. Maybe it’s just me, but if you rape and kill a twelve year old girl the punishment fits the crime. You know how 'unjust' deaths spawn supernatural entities. That night the Swamp Devil was conceived."
Theatre Bizarre, The (2011)
"Watching The Theatre Bizarre is like sitting down to eat at an exotic restaurant and being served samples of tantalizing unfamiliar foods; six dishes to be exact. This bold horror anthology directed by some of today’s risqué auteurs aims to slake modern audiences’ debaucherous appetite."
They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore (1985)
"Billy Buck and Jacob are two psychotic gardeners from Texas who quit there job and instead go kill rich people living in the suburbs where they work. During a murder a random dog gets invited to the show and he eats some women’s exposed entrails. Dogs will eat almost anything man!"
Thing with Two Heads, The (1972)
"The bulk of the movie is here, with a parade of cop cars chasing after them as the two-headed duo make their getaway in a car, and then on a motorcycle. Moss and his new brother from another mother, find their way to his girlfriend's apartment, and he wants to get frisky, but she just can't get it wet with her two-headed man."
Three on a Meathook (1973)
"Welcome my friends to a poorly thought-out, yet somehow interesting yarn about a farm boy who thinks he may be a killer and the beautiful women he may have killed. The killings include shotgun blasts to the abdomen, a cheap decapitation and a kinda cool knife attack while girl is soaking in bathtub."
Thrill Killers, The (1964)
"This movie's group of thrill killers was so believably crazy that I actually found myself on the edge of my seat because, as we all know, crazy people can do
anything. Though the film does have an odd structure, it delivers solid entertainment ...this film pops and zigs and zags and takes you an wonderful ride."
Toolbox Murders, The (1978)
"The third victim was not an intended target. She walks into one of the apartments as the killer is fumbling with the toolbox and gets a screwdriver in the stomach. The fourth woman gets caught masturbating in the bathtub and is chased around her home by the killer, ultimately put down with two blasts from a nail gun."
Track of the Moon Beast (1976)
"He becomes a half-man half-tyrannosaurs Rex and attacks three men camping in the woods, ripping one man's arm off and slashing another's face to ribbons, leaving the
third barely alive. Johnny Longbow decides to grab his bow and make an arrow out of a piece of the meteorite then hunt his friend down and blow him up to help him. It's the most
Trancers II (1991)
"Looking back now, the plot for the movie is completely fucking retarded. But at the time, it was a fun-as-hell adventure unlike anything I had ever seen.
Trancers are...well, I don't really know what they are, except mindless zombies that get enraged and attack people sometimes."
"Three couples in their twenties embark on a road trip towards a remote cabin where they proceed to drug and drink themselves into a happy stupor and simply have a great vacation. Joe is the man with the plan who has organized a great hoax for his unsuspecting companions."
"Wendy is now fully controlled by the troll and will use her to exact his grand scheme of creating a fairy universe here on earth. He will start one apartment at a time until the building will become like a fourth dimension into fairy land."
Troll 2 (1990)
[See European Horror]
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)
"So now we have our two thousand maniac ghosts with ghost town and everything. They lure in northern tourists to the town and warp their minds into thinking their the guests of honor but instead, secretly they are preparing gruesome torture games for their own amusement."
Unseen, The (1980)
"As we get to know Ernest we realize that he is mentally unstable and that his wife Virginia is actually his sister, and that the 'unspeakable terror hidden in darkness' is nothing but their retarded fat son in dirty diapers. Now it seems like Junior has fallen in love and Jennifer must do her best to get the fuck out of that house!"
The Video Dead (1987)
"She decides to treat the zombies like they were old friends. She opens the front door and invites them all in for chili (WTF!). The zombies, seeing that they aren't being treated like monsters, take her up on her friendly offer and they all sit down to a nice, relaxing dinner together. Then she coaxes them into the basement to have a dance party."
Video Violence... When Renting Is Not Enough (1987)
"One morning, while sorting through the pile of returned tapes they find what appears to be a homemade snuff tape. I can’t end this review without saying how great the gore was and how well it mingled with the creepy story. There is a lot of cheap blood and some good boobies."
Video Violence 2 (1987)
"I was amazed at the construction of this movie - at how well the theme (splatter films) held the film together. The gore gags are super cheap but the fun is grade A. There is plenty of blood and boobs and the sadistic town itself is the perfect beast."
Visiting Hours (1982)
"This is as solid as slasher films come, and it works as a dark, psychological serial killer film, too. Colt never says a word, either. He is a cold and calculating
killer determined to finish off his prey like a shark, or Michael Myers without the Captain Kirk mask."
Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)
"...so horrible, so unbelievably inept and god-awful that you wouldn't even make your worst enemy sit through it. So the shit shark weasel and the shit-squid weasel man are fighting it out in the most asinine way possible and they manage to kill themselves. Hooray!"
Welcome to Deer Creek (2009)
"There is a splatterific chainsaw kill scene soaked in visceral carnage, also a father bites his son’s head off while the boy is watching television. Zombies are also sent back to hell with shot guns, kitchen knives, pitchforks and baseball bats. The last 25 minutes blazes along with relentless action."
Wild Man of the Navidad, The (2008)
"The small town is populated with many moonshine drinking ugly faces, vice, profanity and few women. In the end it’s Dale who shoots down the beast. As we get a better
look at him I’m somewhat disappointed to see that it’s just a bearded guy with tusks covered in animal pelts."
Witch Who Came from the Sea, The (1976)
"Molly’s father was a burly sea captain with a beard. We see him raping his daughter through flashbacks. She relates sex with death since her father died on top of her (of a heart attack) during intercourse. She has sex with a television actor and cuts his throat with a razor which she then uses to try to remove her tattoo."
"While exploring the forbidden areas of the house on her own Grace sees an old portrait (from the 1600s) of John and Elizabeth holding hands. That’s right folks, they were the witch couple burned at the stake in the beginning. She wanders into a sacrificial chamber room where the Stoctons are dressed in black cloaks."
Witchcraft II: The Temptress (1990)
"Michelle is seemingly being raped by an evil spirit upstairs in her room. I say seemingly because the unseen spirit tears all her clothes off and spreads her legs apart but leaves her underwear and bra on. Come on guys, how’s she going to get raped with her panties on. We needed to see this scene done right."
Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death (1991)
"We first meet the seductive demon Louis at a nightclub. He bestows the 'kiss of death' on his victims. This means he sucks a girls face, (His face flares up and his eyes turn either red or yellow depending on nothing really) extracting her life essence and leaving her lifeless corpse on the ground."
Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart (1992)
"There Will Spanner finds Lily bound to an altar and Santara in a preacher's robe. After reciting some Shakespeare, Santara convinces Will to rip the heart out of Lily. But Will is ultimately a hero, so he fights back and kills the thugs. Then he and Santara use their super warlock powers to...choke each other."
Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil (1993)
"A coffee-addicted druid named Cain, shows up in Los Angeles. He's a collector...a collector of debts...human debts. This makes sense only if you can call human souls 'debts'. He has served Satan well and now the time of his rebirth is at hand."
Witchcraft VI: The Devil's Mistress (1994)
"A serial killer is killing women and Will Spanner is brought in to solve the case somehow, only to find out that the occult is vaguely connected to it. She sends him to a night club where Will is drugged and gets a blowjob from a demonic stripper (the look on the actor's face is priceless!). The biggest surprise, however, is the inclusion of some much-needed humor."
Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour (1995)
"This has to be the funniest and most entertaining Witchcraft I have seen. I love the fact how they can just start up a sex scene anywhere for any reason, and some of them are quite clever and original. I congratulate the writers for sneaking them in as best as they could."
Witchcraft VIII: Salem's Ghost (1996)
"A hooded procession of monks are busy burning a heavily tattooed and muscular warlock named Simon Renfro. The witch hunter of the area had stabbed Renfro in the heart with the cross before burning his body and this will destroy him again 300 years later when he returns as a ghost."
Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (1997)
"Sheila goes down to the basement and sees a satanic room with a hooded druid mumbling some prayers. Meanwhile Spanner sees a guy butt-fucking Kelly (his girlfriend) through the window. Wait a second, it’s not another guy...it’s Spanner! That’s right, there are two Spanners now!"
Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998)
[See European Horror]
Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (2000)
"An acting teacher encourages his young, buxom students to go and rise a trio of evil witches from their unhallowed graves so they would have some real life experience to draw on when they mount their version of Macbeth. The girls go to a cemetery (in someone's backyard) take their tops off, do spins in circles and spout some witchy words."
Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (2002)
"Will explains that her brother fell victim to 'The Order Of Shades', which is a group of magicians killing people to get electric powers. This time around Will has electricity shooting from his fingers, uses a spell book, drinks magic potions, and actually kicks the bad guy (once)."
Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008)
"Two witch covens are at war, ripping warlocks hearts out to collect the magic and give it to the coven master. Also, if the coven master has sex with the chosen one their child will rule the earth with evil. What a load of bullshit! Typical Witchcraft garbage."
Wizard of Gore, The (1970)
"The gore is fresh, cheap and abundant. Montag likes to play with the bloody bits of intestine, liver, brain matter and anything else that he extracts from your body during the show. Now we are never really sure if Montag has hypnotized the audience or if this is real, or a dream? The movie likes to keep us guessing up till the end."
Wizard of Gore, The (2007)
"Montag's act revolves around the murder of a naked woman, which is then revealed to be just an illusion as the people flee from their seats. So far so good right? But days after the show, the girls that 'died' in the show start showing up dead...exactly like they died in Montag's show. They had a great idea, and they decided to shit on it by trying to make a mind-fuck movie, which only ends up pissing the audience off."
Woman, The (2011)
"Chris nets a feral woman in the woods one day and decides to bring her home and keep her captive in the cellar. He introduces the family to his prized catch, with the reasoning behind all this being he wants everyone to lend a hand in civilizing her. She is fed, washed, and fucked with even less consideration than what you’d give an animal."
"Dr. Leopold wants to swim around the vast ocean as a catfish creature and wipe out ordinary humans, which never did him any good. Two scientists who refused him favors are at the top of his hit list, and then he will find a cute blonde to turn into a fish and fuck out a new generation of sea monsters."
Zodiac Killer (2005)
"Michael Cosnick always wears black army boots, gloves, cargo pants and a back pack, plus he has glasses and a disgusting haircut which pretty much signals him out as a psycho or at least an unbalanced individual. Michael suffers from disassociative identity disorder and has no friends."
"Most filmmakers nowadays start out like Chris Watson did. He grabbed a video camera and got a couple of his friends together to make a zombie movie.
Lloyd 'TROMA' Kaufman even makes an appearance as the wacky janitor...zombie action and madness ensues."