You’d think that in a series, the first film would be the best. Well, I haven’t seen all the Leprechaun movies but if what follows spirals downward I can see my soul deteriorating along with the films. I am a completist. I reviewed all the Phantasm movies and am working on the rest of the All Night Long series. You may say I’m a masochist, and you may be right, but gosh darn it I love a good bad movie, even a bad bad movie is bittersweet joy. Coming into the game I really didn’t think that Leprechaun would be this bad. I figured it would be a fun campy movie with a comical leprechaun played by Warwick Davis. It was bitter as vinegar.

Daniel O’ Grady comes home in the middle of the night in a limo and drunk. He tells his wife that he met a leprechaun and took his gold and now their worries are over. A bit later inside the house the leprechaun sings "Mary had a little lamb" as he comes out of a suitcase and pushes Mrs. O’ Grady down the stairs. Later the leprechaun gets shot at and confined inside a crate by O’ Grady, and to seal it magically, the leprechaun’s bane, a four leaf clover is left atop the crate. O’ Grady later has a stroke, keeping him from setting the place on fire.

Ten years later Tory, played by the beautiful Jennifer Aniston, and her dad are checking out the O’ Grady place for the summer. Tory, your typical, materialistic, plastic teenager is spooked by bugs and cobwebs and needs to go shopping. But she bumps into her neighbor Nathan, a stud guy in a sleeveless shirt displaying his muscles. They talk it up and seem to be intrigued by each other. Along with Ozzy, a somewhat mentally handicapped kid and his brother Alex the three guys have a painting business. Oh and Tory tells her dad she’s decided to stay, for the hunk. Well she doesn’t say that last part, but its obvious.

While Ozzy is messing around in the cellar he unwittingly unleashes the obnoxious leprechaun. Since Ozzy has his mental issues nobody believes him at first. Later Ozzy and his brother go chasing a rainbow and find themselves some of the leprechaun’s gold. You’d think that he could do a better job of hiding his gold. I think he loves the merciless vengeance to get it back. Ozzy, oh yeah, manages to swallow one of the coins. Now come on, how retarded does one have to be to swallow a coin.

Now he’s (the leprechaun of course) unleashed upon us! He scratches Tory’s leg and bites her dad, sending him to the hospital. Our little green friend kills a pawn shop owner by bouncing off him on a pogo stick. He then steals a toy car, just his size, and drives it on the street. He gets pulled over by a cop and kills him. But not before playing the most unbearably annoying game of hide and go seek. This scene alone really brought down the points for me.

Back at the house the green fiend looks allover the cupboards for his gold, making a mess of the kitchen. Nathan gets his foot caught on a bear trap outside. Why would you put a bear trap in your back yard, so close to your home? They bring our fallen hero his shotgun and he shoots the Leprechaun good. The gang try to escape but the leprechaun in one of his toy cars runs into the truck turning it over. Back inside the house Ozzy spills the beans and tells about the gold he found with Alex. They locate the gold and give it back to the green midget. But alas, have we forgotten that the leprechaun is greedy and one last coin rests in the belly of Ozzy. What you think and I hoped would happen doesn’t (the leprechaun carving the fat retards stomach with his dirty nails in search of the coin.)

Now the leprechaun also rides a skateboard and roller skates. What the hell!? In one of the stupidest scenes the gang get back on the truck and distract him by throwing shoes at him. You read right. The leprechaun has an obsession for shining shoes and he can’t help himself even if his gold is getting away. This is not even funny anymore, this is pain. Oh my god, I would have never expected this shit. I wanted to see Aniston naked, darn!

So Tory now goes to speak to O’Grady in a rest home to figure out how to destroy the leprechaun. Oh, I almost forgot, the green guy also chases Tory in a wheelchair inside the home. Inside the elevator O’Grady drops through the ceiling panel, bleeding to death and tells her about the four leaf clover crap. The leprechaun got to him too. Back home they battle against the green menace, find a four leaf clover, roll it into a tight ball and shoot it into the leprechaun’s mouth with a sling shot. He CGI decomposes and falls back into the well. He pops back up all disfigured and Nathan pours gasoline in their and fires it up.

I hated this movie. It tricked me. I thought leprechauns were fun and endearing even when evil. Two things. Why don’t they give the dude a name. They must have their own names right? Second, throughout the scenes when the leprechaun has gotten hurt his blood has been green at times and red at times. Can’t they figure out their minds? Finally you can’t imagine how good it feels to finish this and put it all behind me and how horrible it will be when I have to meet the leprechaun again.

- Jorge Antonio Lopez