This movie is so awful that I feel it doesn’t even merit a bad review. But I will review it for our fans at Splatter and as God as my witness I will tear it to shreds. All the pent up anger I felt as I watched this garbage will unfold and stain the page. Now I ask myself whether a perfect boob score can save a film from the Red Death Coffin. My answer is it can, but not in this case.

Donald is a construction worker fed up with his wife’s nagging and her exotic cooking. He claims to be a simple man and like simple foods you can eat with your hands. He has two deadbeat friends that work with him and an over-sexed female neighbor. Jackie Vernon, who plays Donald must have had a hardon for Rodney Dangerfield because his character is a lackluster impersonation at Dangerfield humor. Donald’s life is so shitty he purposefully starts eating dog food. Come on now, I can not make something like that up. His wife May buys a new microwave. I have never seen a microwave from the eighties. They were freaking huge, the size of a full oven.

Donald snaps one day and empties the vacuum cleaner dust bag allover the house, upsetting his wife. He even spits in her food and urinates in the fireplace. Everyone is asking themselves (I have read other reviews for this crap) why does he snap. What’s so bad about a wife that keeps the house clean and cooks you new interesting foods, and even wants to have a sex life with you?? Apparently everything to dumb fuck Donald! The movie tries hard to make us side with dumbass but the film is incoherent. If the wife is all about fancy foods and exotic sauces and hard to pronounce meal names why the fuck does she serve them on fucking paper plates. When I noticed that I almost shat myself in anger. The décor of the home suggests she could afford ceramic plates or whatever the heck good plates are made out of. She bought that huge microwave which should have been expensive in 1983! Donald then beats and chokes his wife to death. He chops up her body and keeps it in the freezer. He then cooks pieces of it in the microwave and takes wife meat for lunch. Of course the two retard friends like the taste and they regularly eat his wife until Donald must look for more victims. There is very little gore here, barely even noticeable. The boobs come from women (mostly hookers) he brings home and then kills. The deaths are non bloody, we don’t see much of him chopping up bodies and we never see human flesh cooking in the microwave. The darn thing is always off or the camera is not on it. What we wanted to see is not here. There are no slasher type kills or graphic corpse mutilations or even human flesh sizzling in a large radioactive microwave. What we do have is vomit and self mutilation inducing humor at the hands of Jackie Vernon. I don’t know who to hate the most: Vernon, the writer, or the director.

Donald has developed a sort of sex fetish where in order to enjoy sex, which he craves now after almost 2 decades of none, he has to devour the body afterwards. Forget the microwave, forget logic. Donald is a perverted and disturbed man who should be killed. This no longer is a comedy for me. I want this cold character behind bars or dead. His wife’s sister drops by the house and he ties her up in the closet and gags her with a piece or bread. A piece of bread? He then leaves her there and continues killing hookers with nice boobs. But even nice boobs cant save the condemned. One night his two retard friends drop by the house to pick up Donald to hang out and eat more of the delicious meats he prepares. They find him dead on the floor and several human arms in the microwave. They are somewhat shocked... I’m glad the film is over. Do you really want to know how Donald died? I’ll gladly tell. His wife’s head, which he kept in the fridge and had not eaten has a life of it’s own. It rigged the microwave’s wiring to offset Donald’s pacemaker killing him when he worked the machine.

Stay away from this movie please. It’s the work of the devil and will make you feel bad, give you a stomach ache or a migraine headache. Was this crap I just watched comedy, horror, or drama. Its pure torture. Even the director claims this is the worst film ever made. Don’t believe me, look it up. I wont give it the recognition of being the worst film ever made. Ill just end with this. It’s as entertaining as roadside kill covered in maggots.

- Jorge Antonio Lopez