THE MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN (2008)
Directed by:
Ryûhei Kitamura

Starring:
Bradley Cooper ... Leon
Leslie Bibb ... Maya
Brooke Shields ... Susan Hoff
Vinnie Jones ... Mahogany

Country: USA
Runtime: 98 min
AKA: Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train
         
 

Clive Barker is a cool guy. He paints insane pieces of art, writes extremely bizarre novels soaked in hellishly imaginative elements, directed a few of the best horror pictures of the last century, and went on to inspire a ton of great films like Candyman and a ton of sort-of okay films like this one.

Leon is an up-and-coming photographer who unknowingly stumbles upon a series of heinously violent murders happening on the late night subway train to nowhere. Following the death of a young model he last saw boarding a subway train, he begins to suspect that a tall, silent weirdo (played with stoic charm by Vinny Jones) carrying an old leather doctor's bag is responsible for the murder as well as many others. His girlfriend (played by super cutie hottie Leslie Bibb) thinks he's going crazy, but he starts to become obsessed with the strange, silent giant (almost to Hitchcock levels...almost). He doesn't know what he's onto for sure until he catches the man in the act of smashing people's skulls in with his stainless steel hammer.

He is caught by this psycho, who's name turns out to be Mahogany (???), and instead of being killed, he is scratched up by some faceless demon (more on this later). He arrives home, traumatized, his girlfriend freaks out. She starts investigating this Mahogany guy and ends up getting her friends murdered when they sneak back into his apartment. She, however, thinks he is still alive, and when the cops won't offer any help but hint at a bigger, darker conspiracy involving the murders, she takes matters into her own hands. She follows Mahogany into the subway system and there she finds Leon, who has come for war. He is dressed in his butcher's best and is planning to take Mahogany out.

The third act of this film involves so many interesting (if implausible and unnecessary) twists that I really don't want to ruin them for you here. Especially since the film was barely seen by anyone, so I don't want to ruin it for anyone who wants to catch in on dvd or Showtime for that matter. Let's just say Mahogany and Leon fight it out over Leslie Bibb and in the end the truth behind this horrifying conspiracy is revealed. Remember when I wrote "more on that later" above? I lied...I don't feel like ruining it, because once you find out what is really going on you may love the movie or consider it incredibly stupid. My opinion on the overall film including the strange ending is as follows:

I liked this film, but I feel it should have been gorier. Sure there was blood and violence, but most of the red stuff was CG so it doesn't count as gore in my book. This movie was directed by Ryuhei Kitamura, and those who have seen his masterpiece Versus will be disappointed in the pedestrian way he directs the film. His approach is more American than usual, and he does almost nothing to infuse the film with the crazy kinetic energy of his earlier films. The film was unceremoniously dumped into dollar theaters by the new regime of assholes at Lionsgate, and even though that is a shame, there is no reason this film couldn't have gone direct-to-dvd. Sure it's got hottie Leslie Bibb in it, and Vinny Jones is a kickass force to be reckoned with, but when you get right down to the meat of thing, there's only bone and gristle.

- Jose Prendes

 

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